How Mathu lost two ‘babes’ at once

BY BRIAN OSANO

Well, you know the buzz that comes with getting to campus. The new friends we make, the cliques we form, some of which end up lasting a lifetime...friends become family, they say. This was us. Mathu, Nelson and I. Right from the first day in campus, we clicked. We did have our quarrels and fallouts, but we held tight. 

But in campus, you create your own universe. And what is in a campus dude’s universe if not fame and girls? Yes, girls. In our group, Nelson was the quietest one yet he had the most girlfriends. I really don’t know what girls see in quiet guys. I am a quiet man and yet…okay, okay. I’m not that quiet though. But I also had my own small list of female admirers. And to me, small was enough. Then there was Mathu, the funniest in our group, but with no girlfriends. That’s sad, right? Which is why I’m convinced that all women are liars. Why do they say an eligible bachelor must be funny? Which kind of funny do they mean?

Anyway, vindu vichenjanga, and by the time we reached third year, vindu did change for Mathu. His ‘ladies empire’ actually began to expand. Some said it was because he was growing more handsome every day, others claimed he was more mature, but who knew that the one thing he had craved for while in first year would become the thing that he detested the most by the time we were graduating? In third year, Mathu met Lydia, a lovely and loving African woman. To Mathu, that was the exact definition of true love. But he had one weakness – lust. Every girl was his type, whether tall or short, skinny or thick, dark skinned or light skinned. And because of this, his relationship with Lydia was left standing on one leg.

One day, Mathu came into the room earlier than both of us, but he didn’t have his keys. Mathu always loses his keys so he had to wait for us till we got back. To kill time, he decided to chill at the hotspot centre next to a bevy of beauties. He decided to approach one of them and in no time, he was in the finals of that tournament of love. He felt what he was doing was unfair to Lydia, but ‘men are by nature polygamous’ is a tweet he had read just that morning. By the time we came, Mathu was no longer waiting for the keys.

After about an hour, he came into the room with a wide grin and started telling tales of how women out there worship him. What he didn’t realise was that Lydiah had earlier on come over, and was resting on his bed. Don’t we now know where Mathu’s keys went? Don’t we know?

After about 10 minutes of Mathu’s rumbling, Lydiah got up. Mathu was so shoked his jaw fell to the ground. Lydia picked it up with quick and hot slap, then left while sobbing. Not a word said. Our man stood there like a tree. We were all in silence but to be honest, I was tempted to laugh. I bet Nelson was too. Anyway, nobody laughs in a funeral.

Then, all of a sudden, Mathu let out a weird cry, while desperately patting his thighs. He couldn’t find his new iPhone 12 that he had just bought using Helb money! I guess Emmy, Feefee and Julie must have taken it. No, actually, stolen it. Are those even their real names anyway? Mathu had actually lost his two precious ‘babies’ all at once!

Brian is a student of journalism at Rongo University.                    

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