Party smarter

For many reasons, men are considered less susceptible to external harm during social events, and women are seen as more vulnerable, especially where alcohol is involved. Young girls are especially advised to be careful while attending night time social activities for their own safety. 

As we enter the homestretch of the festive season which is often characterised by many celebratory activities, four ladies talk about the dangerous incidents they have encountered while partying, and offer tips on how to stay safe while enjoying a night out.

Morene Abuya, 20
Nursing student, Great Lakes University Kisumu
I love going to parties and attend at least two every month. My favourite spots are the popular pubs in Kisumu. I rarely attend house parties.

I like gatherings where I can happily interact and make new friends who end up forming my inner circle. Sometimes the friends we meet at social events or in night clubs end up being of greater help and more inspiring than those we meet in places of worship.

I regularly receive invitations from friends to attend house parties, but I am always reluctant and very choosy when it comes to such events. During my first year in campus, I encountered a horrifying experience while attending a house party.

The year was 2019, a few weeks after joining campus, I met a new male acquaintance. On one weekend, he asked me to accompany him to a house party in a neighbouring estate. I quickly accepted the invitation believing that it would offer me a chance to get to know him and his friends better.

To my surprise, the party was full of youth, boys and girls my age who seemed determined to explore all kinds of drugs including alcohol and marijuana.  I later came to learn that I had been lured into an orgy. When I asked to leave because I was feeling uneasy, my new boyfriend was reluctant. He said his friends would be very disappointed if I left the party. 

I was very uncomfortable because I hadn’t expected that kind of gathering. I blamed myself for failing to ask for more information before agreeing to join him. I mean, I had known this person for less than one month! I was so angry at myself. Apart from the man I went to the party with, nobody else knew my whereabouts. I had planned to surprise my friends with interesting stories on my return from the bash. 

Drowning in disappointment, I excused myself and went to the washroom. While there, I reached a few close male friends and told them where I was. Luckily, they came almost immediately and rescued me.

After that experience, I stopped going to social events for a long while, and then I made up my mind never to attend house parties.

One of the biggest lessons I learnt was never to go out with someone I barely know. And in case I have to, I must bring along a friend for security purposes.

I also vowed to inform my close friends, both male and female, of my whereabouts at all times so they can reach me in case I encounter any problems. 

December is a month where many parties and celebrations are held, and many women find themselves in situations they may not know how to get themselves out of. My advice to fellow young women is: Be wise. Avoid going out with random people and if you have to drink alcohol, ensure you stay in control of your mental faculties. Also, make sure you are in the company of those you trust, because one mistake may result in rape or even death.

Emmie Okello, 21
Community Health Worker, Nairobi
My first night out partying was back in 2019 just after I completed my Kenya Certificate of Secondary School Education.

It was my 19th birthday and my friends decided to throw a party for me in one of the clubs in Nairobi. On arrival, the bouncers refused to let me in saying that I was underage. I had a lean body at that time and I did look like a school girl.

All my friends were allowed in and I was left out in the dark and cold. My identity card was not enough to convince the guards that I was old enough to go inside the club. To make matters worse, the bouncers started making fun of me, and one of them kept hurling unsettling insults.

He told me to work hard so that I could acquire curves like other beautiful ladies, and also have my hair plaited. They claimed that my clean shaved hair made me look like an old woman.
I felt embarrassed and wished I could go home. Luckily, my friends came to my rescue and agreed that we should move to a different club where I was welcomed.

Over time, I have learnt that parties can bring both good and bad memories. At the beginning of this year, I had my best moments in a party when a deejay recognised my nice dance moves and my attire.

My ideal night out is when I visit my favourite club, enjoy good music and take my drink peacefully without interference from other patrons. 

I hate it when the men in the club flock around my table in the name of buying me drinks. My experience in partying has made me understand that some of those offers from moneyed men come with expectations. They often want you to have sex with them after they buy you the drink. 

Some of those men take rejection the wrong way and once turned down, they start to insult or grope the woman especially if she is alone.

However, I have learnt to stand my ground and decline their offers no matter what, and sometimes I threaten to cause commotion if they begin touching me inappropriately.

I have also learnt not to pay attention to some of the insults I receive in clubs from men. They only want to provoke you so that you give in to their demands. Those who insult you are often jealous because they cannot match your standards.

To enjoy a night out, women must always be extra vigilant because we are more vulnerable than men. It is better to stay safe than be sorry.

I would advise women to always go out in the company of trusted friends, either male or female, who can look out for them in case someone tries to take advantage of their vulnerability.

Also, remember to carry enough cash for contingency, and always decline drinks whose bottle tops are missing or whose seals have been broken in your absence. This will help you avoid being drugged.

Brenda Jepkemboi, 23
Student, MKU  Eldoret

Early this year, one of my close friends was asked to a date and she tagged me along. We were to meet at one of the classy hotels in town.

We arrived at the location looking pretty, but the host appeared uncomfortable. I later learnt that he was appalled because he had plans only for himself and the girlfriend. I was not included in the budget.

Shortly after we had dinner, he excused himself to use the washroom and that was the last time we saw him.

We later learnt that he had only paid his bill. My friend and I, who had ordered for meals worth Sh1,500, had to pay our bills.

After making numerous calls to close friends, we managed to settle the bill and left the restaurant dejected and disappointed.

That experience made me fear going to parties. I only go out once in a while, and I prefer going to house parties where I am surrounded by people I know. I also don’t drink alcohol. Night gatherings to me are avenues where I can get to know my friends better.

I feel really bad when someone I know ends up getting hurt emotionally, physically or psychologically, or when a friend is taken advantage of or is introduced to drugs without their knowledge or consent.

An ideal night out for me is when I visit a serene spot with close friends or relatives, and have fun talking, bonding and catching up.

I prefer hanging around family and people I can trust with my life because they can never take advantage of me.

When going out, women must always be cautious. They should never leave their drinks unattended and should avoid meeting strangers in private places.

Belinder Atieno, 24
Entrepreneur, Homabay

When I was 19, a close friend from high school asked me to join her at a house party in Homabay town.

I had just finished my high school education and was eager to join Rongo University where I was admitted to pursue a Bachelor’s degree in hospitality.

At first, I was hesitant, but my friend was very convincing. She informed me that one of her friends would pick us in his private car at the agreed time.

When I entered the car, I realised that we were the only women. The other four passengers were men. I felt afraid but my friend convinced me that I would enjoy the party and that we would be dropped home 9pm.

We drove into a classy compound within the town where we were met by two other older men and a woman. By this time, my heart couldn’t stop racing. I wanted to ask my friend why she had brought me to such an unsafe environment but she was already having a good time with one of our male counterparts.

I decided to put on a brave face. A friend once told me that I should never look scared in such situations because it motivates ill-intentioned people to take advantage of you.

Inside the house, we were offered drinks. However, I was extra cautious because I was in the company of strangers.

A short while afterwards, visitors started leaving one after another, and to my surprise, my friend was among those who left without my knowledge!

I found myself alone with two men who were way older than me. Luckily, I was able to identify one who came from my neighbourhood. The other one, who seemed more interested in me and was the owner of the house, later told me he was a doctor.

My neighbour also left and I remained with the doctor whose main motive was to sleep with me forcefully. I tried fighting him but he was way stronger.

Luckily, my mother who had gone to the hospital earlier on called to inform me that she would be spending a night in the hospital, and asked me to take a few necessities to her.

At first, the doctor thought I had made up the story, and I had to explain that indeed I needed to take care of my ailing mother.

That was how I got myself out of the situation. I later tried to contact my friend whom I was so mad at, but her phone was not going through.

As fate would have it, we met two years later while I was at Rongo University. When I asked why she had abandoned me in that house, she said that her boyfriend’s friend had asked her to ‘get him a woman’ and that is why she had invited me.

I am glad I escaped. I learnt the hard way never to trust anyone, not even a friend. 
My advice to ladies would be, think twice before attending a party you know nothing about lest you find yourself in a similar situation.

Before going out, make sure you know your friends well because not everyone wants the best for you. Parties are good places to interact and bond with friends, but one should know which gathering to attend and which one to skip. 

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