I am a father of two, a girl who is sitting for KJSEA and a boy who is in Form Two. I live in one of the slums in Nairobi. My wife works as a salonist in our area, but she is not consistent with her work and I don't know how much she really makes or what she does with her money. I earn a net salary of Sh28,000. I live in a rental plot, have no land of my own, no car, no investment. I don't even have a chicken I can call my own, yet I am 46.
My whole salary goes to rent, groceries and shopping, power and water, and upkeep for my wife and kids. I am left with nothing. I feel broken and desperate. I have tried to work in a bar as an after-work side hustle, I have tried to start a mutura and soup evening roadside hustle too. None has worked. The money earned is too small to sustain the business and when the hustles appear to be picking up, needs always pop up be it medical bills, new clothes are needed, school fees is increased, and so on.
Recently, I started selling boiled eggs and smokies but I am yet to break even. I make a net profit of Sh200 to Sh300 from this hustle on a good day. Most days I make just enough to buy stock. I feel ashamed to hold a government office job yet I can't take care of my family properly. I have shylocks hunting me daily because of various defaulted debts which now stand at Sh130,000 and accumulating interest. I have been threatened with Small Claims Court.
My brokenness has resulted in fights with my wife who rightfully feels I am not man enough. We are always fighting and she has made it clear that she will do just fine without me. I feel like quitting everything. What should I do? — Rufus
Muthoni Njakwe is an accountant and author of Her Shilling, Her Power: A Woman’s Guide to Financial Freedom
The first step is to track your money to know where each shilling goes and where adjustments can be made. Record every expense, no matter how small, whether from your salary or your eggs and smokies hustle. When you start tracking, you’ll begin to see patterns: where you’re overspending, where you can save, and what truly matters. This simple habit may seem small, but it’s the foundation of financial control.
Next, sit down with your wife and have an honest discussion. Tell her you want both of you to work as a team, not as opponents. Ask her to share openly what she earns and what she spends on, and lay down your own salary breakdown as well. Write everything down: rent, school fees, food, water, electricity, fare, and any other regular expenses. Seeing the numbers on paper helps you both understand why money disappears so fast. This exercise will reveal where you can cut costs and how to share responsibilities fairly. From there, agree that every financial decision will be made together. This unity is what will rebuild peace and trust at home.
Once you and your wife are on the same page, face your debts head-on. Write down a full list of everyone you owe: names, amounts, interest rates, and when you borrowed. Start with the most aggressive lender and visit them in person. Explain your situation calmly and respectfully, and propose a repayment plan that you can sustain, even if it’s small weekly or monthly amounts. Most lenders prefer commitment over silence. Once you reach an agreement, honour it faithfully and, if possible, have it put in writing. Promise yourself: no more borrowing, no matter what happens, until you have fully regained your financial balance.
With debts under control, create a simple and realistic monthly budget. Take your salary and your wife’s income and assign every shilling a purpose before you spend it. Begin with essentials like rent, food, and school fees, then work your way down to smaller expenses. Avoid luxuries and impulse spending. Even if your income is limited, knowing exactly where each shilling goes gives you control. Keep a small notebook and record every expense daily. At the end of the month, review your notes to see where money leaks are happening. You may be surprised how much goes into unplanned snacks, unnecessary shopping, or airtime.
Instead of starting new hustles, stabilise your current one. You’ve already shown initiative by trying several side hustles, but now it’s time to focus on one and make it consistent. Your side business can grow if managed wisely. Study your market: the best-selling times, busiest spots, and customer preferences. Once steady, you can add something small like Chapati or Viazi Karai. Keep good records of your daily sales and profits. Even a Sh200 profit a day adds up to Sh6,000 a month. Don’t despise small beginnings; the goal is steady growth, not overnight success. With time, that small stall can become your foundation for financial stability.
Cut unnecessary spending and live strictly within your means. This is your season for discipline. You and your wife must agree that survival and recovery come before comfort. Eliminate everything that isn’t essential. Living within your means will free up small amounts for debt repayment or savings. Even when money is tight, commit to saving something - Sh50 a day or Sh100 a week. Use a locked tin or an M-Pesa savings account that’s hard to withdraw from. This small fund will protect you from running back to shylocks during emergencies.
Track your progress and stay patient. You won’t fix everything in one month, but if you remain disciplined, things will start improving. Keep a simple record of your milestones: a debt cleared, a week without borrowing, or a day of higher sales. Celebrate these small wins because they show progress. In one year, you’ll look back and see that the man who once felt broken began rebuilding his life.
Lastly, take care of your mind, body, and faith. You’ve been carrying heavy emotional weight, and that can easily turn into hopelessness. Take time to breathe, pray, and reconnect with your faith. If there’s a men’s fellowship or support group nearby, join it. Hearing other men’s stories and sharing your own can lighten the burden.
Rufus, you are not ruined. You are rebuilding - slowly, steadily, and with purpose. Every small action you take now is a seed for your comeback. Keep going.
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