We all have unfinished love stories. If you are the type that wrung out every emotion and all feelings for your ex-lover, good for you, because for the majority of divorced men, moving on is never easy.
Any mention of their former lovers reminds them of the painful journey that began in love, joy and happiness, and ended in pain, regret, and resentment. Resentment over broken promises, broken families, unrequited love and a story that may never get finished.
In a society where men often hesitate to express their emotions, Saturday Magazine asked five previously married men to share their innermost thoughts about the people they once called ‘wife.’ Each lays bare his unique sorrow, hurt and disappointment, the goal being to reconcile their past, seek closure and express their regrets and frustrations with the ones they once held dear.
I hope this letter finds you well, although I doubt you care much about my well-being anymore.
It's been three years since our marriage crumbled, but I am still bitter. I keep wondering why you left me. I did everything that you asked me to, but you left. You promised me so many things. But one promise that I'm unlikely to forget is that you would be my life partner. How does a life partner cause so much pain to someone they claim they love?
I wish you could understand the magnitude of the hurt you inflicted upon me. Maybe then I could find closure and finally move on.
I have so many questions with no answers. These questions have made it hard for me to move on, even to date.
I fear that this new woman will drag me into another emotional pit, again. Sometimes I dream. I see you. I wonder if this will give me closure.
I miss you, not just for the love we once shared, but for the partnership we forged. There are things I cannot say out loud. I cannot confide in anyone that I miss the sound of your laughter, your warm body and hugs, the moments we shared...
But despite the ache in my heart, I wish you the best. May you find happiness and fulfillment. Perhaps you have found peace, which has escaped me.
Never in this world or any other would I have imagined that you and I would be among the couples going through divorce.
And never did I ever think that one day you would become an ex of mine. Throughout the nine years, we created the most beautiful memories. I’ve never loved anyone like this before, and although I am the reason we parted ways, I will forever hold the memories dear. I know I messed up and hurt you deeply, but I was dealing with midlife crisis. I am so sorry. I am still learning.
All I ever wanted was to have a beautiful family and a peaceful home, and you made all of that come true. You made so many of my dreams come true. I wanted nothing more than to be the best husband, a romantic lover, the most selfless provider, and one day, the world's best dad.
I failed you, I failed our children, and I failed myself. My dear Grace, I hope one day you will forgive me.
Although we are no longer together, your happiness remains my top priority. Seeing you happy brings me immense joy. Although our paths have split, the memories we created together remain cherished and irreplaceable.
As for me? I am content and at peace, believe it or not. Work keeps me occupied more than ever. Guess what? I have discovered a new passion for beekeeping. I am in the process of rebuilding this life that has previously been shattered. I still harbour dreams of starting a family and being a present father, and my longing for love and genuine happiness persists.
It's hard for me to find the right words to tell you how disappointed I am in you. You were supposed to be my support, but you ended up hurting me so much. Your betrayal hurt me, and I don't know if I can ever fully heal from it.
I often look at our daughter and wish she never turns out to be like you, her mother. I thought I knew who you were, but it turns out you were just pretending to be someone you're not, for a whole year! Why did you do that?
I hope you realise the damage you caused. We could have had something great if you had just been honest. Honest about your past, about your children from the previous relationships, and especially about the kind of job you do to survive. But you chose to lie to me, and that destroyed everything good that could have come out of our union. I hope I never see you again.
I want to take this moment to acknowledge the positive impact you had on my life for 12 years, despite the way things ended between us. You were there for me during some of my darkest moments. You offered me support and encouraged me through so many challenges. You always knew what to say and always came to my aid when I needed it most.
I am sorry I was reckless. I was ignorant and arrogant, and I did not acknowledge your feelings. Not only did I hurt you, but I hurt our children. It kills me to know that I have set a bad example for them, and I am sorry. I regret everything and I wish I could tell you that in person, but I lack the courage to do so. I miss your gentleness and how you would submit wholeheartedly to me. I am sorry.
I found another wife, Lena, with whom I have two children. However, with respect I have to tell you that despite my new status as a married man, I wish that things between us remain cordial. I also want to send my deepest apologies to you for breaking the promises I made to you during our marriage. I am sorry. Looking back, I think I just wasn’t ready for marriage. I think I am now, and I am determined to make my new marriage work. I hope you don’t hold that against me.
I am taking this chance to redeem myself by being the best husband to this new wife that God has brought my way.
Thank you for being a part of my journey and for teaching me valuable lessons about love, resilience, and the importance of forgiveness. I wish you nothing but the best in all your future endeavours.
Honestly, I don’t have words for you, I am still trying to heal from the wounds you left me with. By the way, tell your mother and your relatives to leave me alone.
Tell them the truth about why we broke up and what you did. I have not told them anything out of respect for you, although you don’t deserve it, but if they don’t stop calling me and coming to my house, I will tell them what you did.
And as you tell them the truth, let them know that there is no you and I, and we shall never and can never get back together. I can’t bear living with a lying, cheating, careless parasite like you.
I will not allow you to come near my children unless you get clean from those prescription drugs and from alcohol. It is hard to take care of them alone but it is better than taking care of both the children and you. You have chosen your bed, and you have chosen to elope with another man. Now lie in it.
