I’ve tried unsuccessfully to win over girls...could I be having a problem?

I have a crush on a girl and I put all my efforts to try and win her love, but she eventually turned me down and I got disappointed. Whenever I see her this overwhelming feeling of love engulfs me but unfortunately she can’t give it back. We are in the same environment and whenever we bump into each other, she feels sweet for me, knowing that she turned me down. How do I go about this? I can’t get out of this environment since I am trying to grow my business. Also, I have been trying to win over five girls at different times consecutively but I have never gotten even one of them. Do I have a problem?

Sam

The overwhelming feeling of love you have for this woman is part of the problem you will forever face when approaching women. But the good thing is that you have the option to get up, learn and change your game. You need to be mysterious, less emotional and proactive if you want to win a woman effortlessly. The woman you are talking about knows very well you are obsessed with her and chances of her listening to you are very slim. So focus on yourself and leave her alone as you try to master what needs to be done.

Juma Felix

READERS ADVICE

Whenever you approach somebody for friendship, do it with an open mind because everyone has their own marking scheme for the expected life partner. Frustrations come when you expect too much and cannot take no for an answer. You are yet to face the reality. You don't have a problem so far but you need to be serious by not confusing love with falling in love. Take your time, study and learn the internal beauty in someone before you declare your love. No self-respecting woman will say yes the first time you ask her to be friends. Do more research as I wish you all the best.

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

What comes out from your narrative is that you are desperate for love hence seeming to be needy and clingy and the ladies see that and are not impressed. Continue with your normal routine and don't openly seek love. This sometimes works, as the modern lady is more aggressive in her quest for love.

Drive Counseling centre – Nakuru

EXPERT ADVICE

The beginning of your story sums up your predicament. Having a crush does not translate into that person you crush on having mutual feelings. In fact, a crush rarely manifests into a relationship. It is an overload of feelings of attachment towards that one person who will most likely never have the same emotions towards us. What you think is love is a cocktail of neurochemicals flooding your brain. You might be failing to attract a woman because you try too hard to impress and may come across as desperate. I would advise you to concentrate more on your business. It would be better to cultivate friendships with women so that those in your social space get to know the real you, instead of the version of you that is attempting to win them over.

Maurice Matheka, Relationships Expert

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

Hi, I am Annabel, 29, currently dating and thinking of settling down soon. My issue is the age of the guy am dating. I just realised he is two years younger than me. He has no problem about the whole issue and he actually told me he was aware about it even before starting the relationship. I have listened to many counselors and read articles that argue that the man should always be older. I am confused although I love him. Should I leave the guy for an older one or should I continue and settle down with him?

Tilly

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