Is social media bragging a sign of narcissism?

Some women opt to take us through their pregnancy journey step by step complete with pictures while others alert us every time they leave town or are in an up-market restaurant.

Yet others will share a day-to-day intimate recount of their daily lives and with hash tags to boot: #LunchwithBae, #BossLady, #Queening or #TeamGlamorous. Can you be too much for your followers? Where is the wisdom in baring all to total strangers?

Albert Mwangi, a communications specialist, says there should be personal limits to how much you can share and the frequency you do it with. "While ideally, the idea of sharing should be, 'Hi guys, this is how I am doing now that we don't meet or hook up often.' It is not," says Mwangi. "We are evolving into highly narcissistic and self-centred individuals who over-share. (But) it is good to keep some things to ourselves," he advises. "Besides, in this day and era of identity theft, over-sharing puts you at risk of having your personal information in the wrong hands.”

Granted, there are many people on social media who post to truly inspire someone or just because they like how they look in a certain photo. "I post regularly because I like sharing with people I have common interests with," says Mwangi. “Often times, you will find me posting about the things close to my heart like cars, travelling, geopolitics and family life,” he says.

Mwangi thinks it's a fine line between narcissism and inspiration. "My take is the narcissists are more of showing off – like, look at how my life is better than yours, I am doing much better than you," he says.

How much of our lives should we reveal on social media? "You should share what is just enough to elicit interest without baring all of yourself such that if someone wanted to know everything about your life, all they need to do is go through your social media," he says.

Leave it in a way that you still maintain a level of privacy. Narcissists don't know where to draw that line, says Mwangi.

Abigael Wanjohi, a civil servant, does a lot of posting on social media about inspirational stuff. "I don't do it for likes but to encourage someone out there who has lost hope and needs to hear that there's still hope.

PEER PRESSURE

Sometimes I choose to upload a picture after dealing with a lot and conquering. Every picture I take has a story behind it, and if you look at them they're all different depending on the season I'm in," she explains.

Abigael knows a number of people who show off on social media but have nothing to show behind the cameras.

"The glam gang, which mainly consists of young ladies who are excited about life and what it has to offer, live by the maxim, 'fake it till you make it," explains Abigael. "Many of these girls want public approval and succumb to peer pressure from the other members of their clique," she says. They are usually lonely people and showing off their lives on social media keeps them going.

"I have a friend who once bought a Hublot watch worth 1.2m in 2016 – not because she could afford it, but to keep up with social media glam life. Eventually her house was auctioned and she relocated to Jakarta, Indonesia. If people would be just real and be normal we wouldn't have all these fake flashy lifestyles," notes Abigael.

She, however, doesn't think there's need to censor content shared on social media. I believe there's always something we can learn from someone, she says. "Many members of the glam gang have real issues, like rejection, and social media is the only platform they have. Let them be," says Abigael.

Josh (not his real name) says that no doubt some posts are about showing off, although others are an expression of personal experiences or people thinking aloud. "There is a clear difference between pride and inspiration. Inspiration is like a motivator or driving force, while pride is purely showing off," notes Josh.

Damaris Ngina is a regular on social media and hardly a day goes by without her posting. She says she takes Facebook as a place for storing good memories, especially photos. "I also post to encourage a heart somewhere. That you can love yourself despite the flaws," says Ngina.

"In my observation, people post for different reasons and motives," she says. "Some post for validation and to show off, while some post to encourage others. Sadly, most fall into the validation group for the 'likes' and comments," says Ngina. "My inspirational posts are targeted at women; a mother, a younger or older version on me. And rather than using someone else's photo to go with my wordings, I use one of mine,"

Carol, a marketer, notes that those who give us a minute-to-minute update of how beautiful their relationship is never tell us when they fall out. “One minute a couple is all over social media with #relationshipgoals, the next minute you notice they are silent and have dropped their significant other’s photos,” says Carol.

On that, Ngina says, “No one likes to be in pain. Break ups strip someone of their self-esteem and image. And I don't support such updates as one needs to heal," she says. Ngina is a firm believer that content should be censored. "I always tell people that the Internet never forgets. It will be my joy for my children's children to go through my timeline and learn something," she says. 

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A psychologist’s take on social media oversharing

We all want to be appreciated, to be recognised and told we look good. And it is all fun and games when we post our glamorous photos on social media, admittedly sometimes for the ‘likes’ while other times just to feel good about ourselves.

Lately though, a good number of the posts on our social media platforms have turned to a sort of competition where we want to outdo each other.

We talked to Agolla Maryanne Aloo, a child and adolescent psychologist at the Africa Nazarene University, who helps us understand the thinking behind it.

What’s the driving force behind most of these posts on social media?

The motivation behind the posting of such content can be understood through a look at Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Beyond satisfying our basic physiological and security needs, it is natural for individuals to strive for the next two tiers in the pyramid – the need to be loved and belong, and the need to build esteem through gaining the recognition and respect of others.

Initially, we strived for this through making friends, to help one another, and gain competence. Now, it is increasingly focusing on finding new ways to show friends how much better their life is.

How does social media influence our emotions?

Social media platforms have come to play a significant role in determining the value we place on ourselves. Audience approval boosts our self-esteem.

If I post a simple picture and get less than 10 likes or comments, yet my friend posts a picture of her in an aircraft or in a different country and gets over 100 likes, I am likely to conclude that portraying a similar lifestyle is likely to get me the attention of my online ‘friends.’

So, I am likely to try to the best of my ability to find myself on a flight, take selfies and make it seem like it is a normal aspect of my life.

“Maybe they will respect me more and give me more attention if they believe my life is perfect or I am more successful than I actually am.”

But what’s the big deal if the ‘likes’ boost my self-esteem?

While one may see this as effective in gaining popularity and feeling better about oneself, maintaining the façade is exhausting and undermines the need to build oneself from within.

So, how do you build yourself from within as opposed to putting up a façade?

With the help of a life skills trainer or counsellor, one learns to identify and value the attributes that makes them unique.

What role does society play in how we perceive ourselves?

The culture can also be understood from a perspective of conformity. In adolescence and early adulthood, we try to establish an identity. The society and our peers play a vital role in how we see ourselves and how we want to be perceived.

Young people are likely to post the pictures of flights, meals in fancy restaurants and other depictions of luxury just because other people are doing the same thing and receiving a lot of attention from it.

Why is it important not to always rely on an audience for approval?

There is a need to help young people develop an internal locus of self-evaluation rather than an external one. This is how we develop a healthy self-concept through achievements that have a personal meaning and not for the sake of audience’s approval.