Men are funny. There are a lot of things that men say that they don’t necessarily mean. This is true for 16-year-old boys as it is for 60-year-old men.
It is why we refer to each other as dogs—affectionately, of course—why we talk smack about each other, why we behave as if the wife that the man has introduced is the best, only wife ever, even if that is not the wife he introduced last time. But the wife is who he says the wife is.
We crave the approval of other men, but we don’t want it to be seen as that obvious. There are things my boys know about me that someone’s daughter never will, or should. And, if by any chance my boys go mad, I’ll have them put down. Like a dog. With all my affections, of course.
Every man needs his boys. People who are not threatened by your success or failure. Those who can call you out, call you names, and call on you. Powerful men don’t have friends, just vassals. And when men get into relationships, the first thing the madam wants is to cut out the boys.
It’s only natural—even if it was you listening to stories of how K— and O— and I skinny dipped in the ocean in 2022 and forgot where we had kept our clothes so we had to run back to the hotel with the police chasing after us and that was the best night of our lives, and not the day I met you, which is perhaps the third best night of our lives because the second best night is when J— and M— got into a fight and J— broke M—‘s legs and now we call M— “Rickets” because his right leg is all wrong and bow shaped. I’d continue, but you get what I mean.
Maybe what these political leaders needs is boys—and not these who kowtow to them every whim. We can even set aside their advisors for now.
Men who can’t laugh at themselves are a serious problem. The world to them is a binarity; you are either this or that. Perhaps these politicians are afraid that people will lose respect for them, or maybe have less fear. Meh. They seem to mistake they are just men, not a symbol. The holder of the office matters very little.
When it comes to insecurities, all men are equal. Such as: have they fulfilled their potential, are they greying well, or have they let themselves go. Did I live my life, or did I just copy someone else’s answer sheet because why not? These are things that are easily sorted over a couple of stiff ones with your boys, when you realise they too are contending with the same issues.
If you want to predict what a man will do under any circumstance, never discount the influence his friends have over him. It is not so much about the drink, but the significance of the drink. But you will only understand this when you can’t tell your significant other some things.
When I was a young man in university, I thought I knew more than all the professors in Moi University put together. I knew which jobs I wanted, who I would marry, and how much money I would make.
My sociology lecturer, Prof. Bigambo, would tell us to keep each other close, because eventually, your friends will start running the country (or start running mad). We had eaten more fish than the good professor, so of course we knew more than him. But he just smiled and told us what the lizard told the rock. What did the lizard tell the rock? You may not respond, but I know you have heard what I said.
I have grown up. I have not made a lot of money, but I have made money. NASA apparently can’t send me to space just because you have a dream. Their loss. As for the other thing, I will marry when I want. We laugh at these things with my boys because we know when you can’t take a joke, you become one.
