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My man has blocked me on all platforms, should I look for him?
Your relationship could be described as toxic, with emotional fluctuations. None of you is being real.
What you need to know:
- From your story, there is a hot and cold variation in your relationship with your husband.
- Your relationship could be described as toxic, with emotional fluctuations. None of you is being real.
- It is time to be truthful about the state of your relationship with your husband; otherwise wise your current predicament may persist for many more years, which is not healthy for either of you.
My husband is petty, always giving lectures and making key decisions without my input. Whenever I confront him, he blocks me on WhatsApp. I don't understand him at all. We have separated several times in the last six years, but whenever people ask, he tells them we are together, doing fine. He once accused me of cheating on him, but he later came back and as usual, we had our best moment together. But, a short while afterwards, he went mute again and started using disrespectful words and ignoring my messages and calls. He asked me to send him his things. I did that, but he later accused me of breaking his items. I admitted that I was unable to pack well and asked him to send me a picture of the items I had broken. He didn’t. The following day, he blocked my number. I love this man so much. He was my first lover and I don’t want to move in with any other man. What can I do? The man had even gone to our home. I am tired and going crazy each time I think about our relationship. Should I look for him or tell my family the truth? Remember, he has blocked me.
We each create our own reality. Your husband has started to create his own, whereby you cheated on him. Whether it is true or not doesn't matter. In his reality, you cannot be trusted. He might have enough pain from the past to know not to trust you anymore. He has probably started treating you differently and mistrusting you on other occasions. Remember, trust is a one-time thing. Once broken, it will never be the same, especially when a man accuses you of infidelity.
Unfortunately, we cannot get his side of story, but then you need to ask yourself where the rain started beating you. Are you a flirt? Do you have a wandering eye? Are you secretive? Or do you have an ambiguous friendship where you behave as if you are their partner? If you are doing any of the above, as uncomfortable as it might be to hear, you are gas lighting your partner if you’re downplaying or even dismissing their concerns.
Flirting with others, for example, might seem OK to you because, in your mind, it’s not as if you're acting on it. You might say that you’re ‘just chatting,’ but if you are doing this and then telling your partner that it’s all in their imagination, you are wrong. Same for if you are calling them insecure, petty or dramatic. Humans have a basic need for safety and security, and the above examples are destabilising. It is time for an honest conversation with yourself. The decision rests with you. All the best.
Fred Lastborn Jausenge – UAE
Sharing your experience is commendable. A good therapy towards healing. However, your husband knows how much you love him and he's taking it for granted and abusing your emotions. By not revealing to people the actual position of your relationship also means he doesn't want to lose you for his own reasons. The paramount question is, where does he run to and only come back when he wants? Have you ever thought about the possibility of him having another affair? Six separations with the same person and there's no likelihood of getting better, is way too much. Telling the truth to your family is bold and very necessary. They'll support and advise you.
What you should do is free yourself. You're in self-imprisonment in first love that you don't want to let go. Don't cling to hope that he'll change. Even though you love him, it's very unhealthy to preserve a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay. You never know. Letting go could lead you to a man who will equally love you back.
D Mutunga,
From the school of life
FROM THE EXPERT
From your story, there is a hot and cold variation in your relationship with your husband. Your relationship could be described as toxic, with emotional fluctuations. None of you is being real. It is time to be truthful about the state of your relationship with your husband; otherwise wise your current predicament may persist for many more years, which is not healthy for either of you. You can love someone because there are times, despite everything, your feelings are strong, but you must disengage for a minute and review the fact that things between you may not improve if you are both in denial. If he wanted to be in your space, he would not be blocking you. I advise you to let him be until you can have a candid talk about your dysfunctional relations.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert
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