I was the third doctor in a row to see Rosemary in a span of two months. She believed her condition was dire and her social life was reaching a dead end. She was too wet in bed!
“If only you can make me dry, I will pay anything you ask for,” she pleaded.
She was on the verge of losing a relationship that hitherto had been focused on a grand wedding. For eight months she kept saying no to sex, insisting that she was keeping the best for the wedding day. Andrew, her fiancé, however got impatient, insisting that since they were formally engaged, there was nothing really wrong with having sex. She gave in.
That would turn to be the turning point in the relationship: Andrew no longer seemed enthusiastic about the wedding, the bone of contention being that she messy in bed.
“And what’s wrong with that?” I asked, surprised.
She started by asking her friends what they thought of her situation. They all laughed at her. Many advised her to stop eating cabbage.
Others said it was watermelon. Some advised on douching. Rosemary faithfully took these instructions, but alas! The next time she was with Andrew, things were even worse.
The next morning she went straight to a doctor and explained her problem. The doctor told her that she had an infection and put her on a five-day course of antibiotics.
A week later she was with Andrew again. There was no change. At this point she had been douching, avoiding cabbages and watermelons and had finished her course of antibiotics. She changed doctors.
The second doctor did a urine test and even took specimens to test for infection. Even before the results were out, Rosemary started itching badly and developed a white discharge.
Tests showed that she had developed candida, a common fungal problem. She was put on medicines that ended the itching and discharge but as fate would have it, her next encounter with Andrew had the very same results.
And so here we were; Rosemary was desperate and distressed. I examined her and everything was perfectly normal. I told her to bring Andrew with her the next day for a candid talk.
Andrew was real fun to talk to, describing his problem quite figuratively and going into bouts of laughter with spontaneity.
“You see, it is the maji maji rebellion that is putting me off!” he explained amid staccato laughter. “It is like wading through muddy waters, I am sure you wouldn’t have survived the agony if it were you, Mr Sexologist.”
I could help but join him in the laughter. Rosemary was mortified. I realized it was time to put facts straight. “You are among the lucky guys in the world Andrew,” I started as he frowned.
It is only the highly sexed women who get copious lubrication when excited. Some women struggle through foreplay and if they manage something, it is always scanty. In fact, some need to purchase lubricant for the act, which can be uncomfortable otherwise.
Women who do not get lubrication should see a doctor as a matter of urgency. It could be a signal of sexual arousal disorder. Women who have had genital cutting or those who have suffered severe infections and injuries around the vagina causing damage and scaring of glands that produce lubrication are also likely to lack lubrication.
“Ok, doctor but must it be so much?” Andrew asked.
Well, wet is good, wetter is great and maji maji rebellion is the best, and happens only in special women. In communities that are sexually informed, women of Rosemary’s kind are the admired of all men.
Such women are however stigmatised by communities that lack knowledge of sex. Such ignorant communities will prescribe myths such as were instructed by Rosemary’s friends.
Some of the myths, like douching, are actually dangerous, leading to infections like candida. It is also unfortunate that health workers will not dig deep into understanding some of these common sexual experiences and end up giving the wrong treatment.
Andrew and Rosemary realised that there was so much that they did not know and enrolled for sex coaching as they embarked on their wedding plans.
Given that socio-cultural systems that were traditionally used to empower people sexually before marriage have virtually collapsed, it is of great importance that people in courtship follow Rosemary and Andrew’s example: go for sex coaching and live happily thereafter in marriage.
