Should I marry this younger man or should I get one who is older?

Hi, I am Annabel, 29, currently dating and thinking of settling down soon. My issue is the age of the guy am dating. I just realised he is two years younger than me. He has no problem about the whole issue and he actually told me he was aware about it even before starting the relationship. I have listened to many counselors and read articles that argue that the man should always be older. I am confused although I love him. Should I leave the guy for an older one or should I continue and settle down with him?

Tilly

READER’S ADVICE

From your narration, you seem to be having doubts about this relationship with age being merely the presented factor. Marriage is supposed to be a major life undertaking and if you have an inkling of doubt over the issue then reconsider the move.

Drive Counseling Centre, Nakuru

The issue of age in a relationship is very important. Age is not just a number in marriage. However, in your case, the difference is not that much to cause harm. For this relationship and eventually marriage to work, it will depend on you. You are the one to submit and know that the man is the head of the family. Don't allow outside forces to invade your relationship. Above all, you need to listen to your inner self.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Senior Pastor, Mitume Church, Kitale

Apart from being older, other factors also come into play when a couple wants to settle down. The main issue is the man's insecurities, depending on your attitude towards him. At this stage you both feel it's okay but the elder sister’s attitude may manifest later. Also, if you earn more than him, you are higher academically or you get a promotion, all these factors will affect your relationship. It's good to discuss it before you decide to settle down together. See a professional for you need to learn a number of things. Don’t fall for what we hear…that age is just a number. All the best.

W Kagochi Kuira, Counselor, Nyeri

EXPERT TAKE

Having dealt with your enquiry type for many years I am driven to ask whether it is the age or the character of the person towards you that makes a relationship work. You can leave him and end up with an older man who does not and cannot make you feel loved. For a long time, there has been the ideology that the best fit is when the man is older. If that were true, then most marriages would be in bliss and I can confidently tell you that they are not. There is no telling how long your relationship will last but what is key to that longevity is that you both want each other not just as man and woman but because you are friends who have mutually chosen to do life together. Your friendship will outlive your love. Without friendship a relationship lacks the ingredients that keep it harmonious. If all other boxes were ticked before your realisation, then you cannot allow age to stop the possibility of being with a partner that genuinely makes you happy.

Maurice Matheka is a relationships counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My marriage is only so-so, but I don’t want to leave. There is so little intimacy. I am fantasising about a guy at work. Would it be so awful if I had a no-commitment relationship with him? For sure it would make my life more bearable! Please help.