You’ve got to express yourself
It is easy for a woman to express her sadness, worry or fear. However the one emotion that she keeps distancing herself from – the one that she disowns – is her anger. Even when she is boiling inside, perhaps because of fear of not seeming agreeable, she will bolt it in.
Male anger is something that society is used to, something that is expected. But when a woman expresses anger or her displeasure in a passionate way, it makes a lot of people squirm in discomfort.
Case in point: to move away from the much-ridiculed ‘manels’ that have become part of our television viewing, a local TV station hosted a women-only panel on a talk show. Things got heated and there was shouting, and a lot of useful information was also shared by the female panelists.
However I was disappointed that after, instead of discussing issues raised, people focused on how ‘angry’ some of the panelists were. Men get angry, lose their cool and even walk off live television interviews all the time. But they do not get even half the judgement that ‘angry women’ do.
Perhaps women – and men – need to be reminded that it is okay to be passionate or angry or sad, to feel whatever you need to feel. More important, it is okay to express these feelings. Stop worrying too much about seeming nice or agreeable.
NEEDS OUTLET
Remember that at the end of the day, being nice will only get you so far in the business or corporate world. It is those who speak out, those who are not afraid to show off their skills and achievements, who get rewarded.
To start with, we have lots of reasons to be angry today. There are men bashing women and blaming them and ‘their’ feminism for everything that is wrong in this country, and so our social relations are coloured by their negative opinions of us.
And when you focus on the workplace rather than friends and social media conversations, you find that the average Kenyan office is a very hostile place for women of all types – single, married, mothers, ambitious, seeking a raise… choose your flavour. So yes, there is a lot to be angry about.
And this anger needs an outlet, and in letting it out, you will discover things about yourself – such as the things you feel passionate about. This is why anger is such a good rallying tool for activism. As opposed to bottling it up, expressing your anger or discontent will actually get problems solved and boundaries drawn.
Get angry. I am not talking about getting violent or venting behind a screen on social media. If it is patriarchy you are angry about, face that person who is advancing this agenda and tell them. If a person has done you wrong, face them and tell them how that makes you feel. Let it all out.
