I have a partner; we've been together for over three years. We're in the process of notifying both sides of the family about our plans to get married. The problem is that she cheated on me about three months ago and became pregnant. We were meant to visit her home in August. I feel hurt and offended, especially since starting another relationship isn’t easy. What can one do in such a situation?
I believe that a woman's most important qualities are her morals, not her physical appearance. It's her mentality, not her sexuality, that will make or break your home.
Sexuality is important. But if it's not fenced and safeguarded by sound principles and a chaste lifestyle, what good is it?
This is what I mean: if she can sleep with you before marriage, how do you know that you're the only one she can do that with?
Even if you found her a virgin, you still have a lingering doubt whether she won't give it to many other men.
This is the dilemma: you want a woman who is sexually enthusiastic or one who is drawn to you sexually. You don't want to feel like you're unwanted every time you get intimate. This may be the reason you're trying out sex with her before marriage.
On the other hand, you also want a loyal woman. One who will be true to you behind your back. One who has done the nearly impossible task of taming her sexual impulses.
People underrate the sexual temptations women go through, and that's why they gloss over this issue.
There's an assumption that men have more sexual energy and drive than women. That's a lie. Women and men have the same level of sexual desires and needs.
Variations exist from person to person, but the genders are the same. It's a dangerous assumption to think that a woman is just waiting for you to satisfy you.
That said, we move to the next part of the problem - that she's pregnant with another man.
You should never get married when your partner is pregnant, even if you're the one behind it. Pregnancy is a different journey with lots of emotions and hormonal changes.
To make a decision as permanent as a marriage while also going through the physiological and psychological changes of pregnancy is the most imprudent thing a woman can do.
Socially, her identity is changing into that of a mother. Physically, her body is changing, and her priorities on looks are changing for the next year or so.
Financially, some planning and preparation are needed.
There's also anxiety about what type of child will come forth, whether they will be healthy and if the delivery itself will be smooth.
With all these things going on in her life, would you also want to burden her with another decision as heavy as getting married?
She may marry you as an escape, but not a mindful choice. That's history that will haunt your marriage.
Lastly, what to do about the plans already underway? Halt everything. Postpone any home visits; you don't have to expose her unnecessarily. Just say that the woman is expecting, and you prefer to resume plans after she gives birth to her baby.
Afterwards, you can move like Joseph of old, who purposed to leave Mary secretly rather than making her a public spectacle.
Gentlemen are always mindful of their exit. Even when they've been wronged and let down, they don't wield their power unnecessarily. They're humane and considerate. This becomes their permanent legacy: they were justifiably angry, but still, they were not vengeful.
Breakups are always unsettling and disorienting. You're losing something you were deeply invested in. But I think you should take it with equanimity when you consider that you're being spared a worse hell of divorce or living with a disloyal woman.
After you walk away with finality, use the lessons from this experience to improve your future dating experiences.
Do not open the portal of premarital sex. You'll be lowering the bar too much because any woman can give you sex. Instead, set the standard by focusing on character analysis and creating a deeper bond.
When you're not sleeping with someone, your judgment remains very sharp, and you can see if they're living a double life behind your back.
Surprisingly, when you don't compromise sexually, the wrong women will usually flee on their own. Either they feel challenged and judged by your standards, or they're unable to match them.
