Why did my girl dump me for no reason?

I'm Shelton Busolo, a student at Rongo University. I've been dating this lady for five months now—she's 20, and I'm 21. Our relationship was going well, and the future looked promising. We understood each other, vibed perfectly, and trust kept us bonded. We even knew each other's phone passwords, read DMs, and were familiar with each other's friends. We checked on each other almost every day, spent weekends together, and even went to church as a couple.

But suddenly, everything changed. She started being rude, cut off our visits, and seemed uninterested whenever I went to see her. She would tell me she wanted to be alone or that she was too tired to talk. I did everything I could to fix things, but in the end, she told me she wasn't interested in the relationship anymore. The only reason she gave was, "Mamangu alinikataza nisikue na boyfriend."

I was shocked. To me, this felt childish—she's 20, old enough to make her own decisions. She confirmed that she wasn't leaving because I cheated or did anything wrong, but simply because she wanted to follow her own interests. I tried convincing her to reconsider, but her mind was already made up.

Now, I'm stressed because I love her and want her back. What should I do? Please help.

READER'S ADVICE

Five months is too brief to declare a relationship perfect or forge deeper connections. This young woman has clearly lost interest—pursuing her will only push her further away, leaving you more heartbroken. Channel your energy into your studies instead. At 21, you have plenty of time to find a suitable partner when you're ready.

Juma Felix

Your heartbreak is understandable, Shelton. However, at 20, your ex-girlfriend may not yet be mature enough to make independent decisions or truly know her mind. She seems to follow others' guidance—particularly her parents'—like a flag in the wind. This pattern is unlikely to change. Take time to heal and move forward. Your true love awaits; patience is key.

Calvin Queens Blogger & Writer

Shelton, and I understand your disappointment. However, since she's clearly stated her disinterest, the healthiest path forward is accepting her decision. While painful, attempting to change her mind could prove harmful. Focus on understanding her reasons if you must, but prioritise your well-being. Remember: relationships are dynamic—goals and interests evolve over time. Incompatible values or differing life goals often influence romantic outcomes.

Felix Mwirigi Karithi Psychologist-Addiction Professional

I'm sorry for your loss, Shelton. Losing someone precious can feel devastating. Her excuse seems flimsy—there might be another reason, possibly another person. While she's old enough to make her own decisions, if you feel this relationship is worth fighting for, try once more. If it doesn't work, accept it. Avoid dwelling in grief or making repeated contact attempts. Time truly heals all wounds. Perhaps she isn't your future wife—God works mysteriously, and this might lead you to someone more suitable.

D Mutunga, From the School of Life

Thank you for sharing, Shelton. Your girlfriend's honesty about following her mother's advice shows maturity, especially since she doesn't blame you. As young university students, you both have bright futures ahead. Consider the practical challenges—could you support a family if pregnancy occurred? Focus on your studies and maintain friendship within clear boundaries. The future remains unwritten; you might still end up together. Meanwhile, don't let stress derail your life. Stay positive and prioritise your education. Best wishes,

John Wambugu Counsellor

Life can be unfair. Step back from the relationship and allow yourself to heal. Gradually welcome others into your life to fill the void she's left. At your age, accepting an unexpected ending is challenging, especially when you've invested your heart in hopes of a lasting union. View this as a learning experience—other opportunities will come.

Recovery is possible, and God provides hope and healing. All the best,

Fred Lastborn Jausenge, UAE

EXPERT'S TAKE

Your frustration resonates with me, but you're both quite young for serious commitment. While your feelings are valid, this isn't the end of your world. Break-ups are part of growing up—they test and strengthen us. Not everything we want comes to pass; understanding this now prevents entitled attitudes later.

There's hope ahead: focusing on your qualifications and personal growth will enhance your dating prospects. Don't overthink her decision. Give her space—she'll reach out if she chooses. While being good to women is important, maintain your masculine energy; excessive devotion can be off-putting regardless of age. Prioritise your studies and understanding life's complexities.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I'm in a situation I never imagined possible. At 40, after years of heartbreaking fertility struggles and multiple miscarriages, my husband (35) suddenly left me over Christmas. We seemed perfectly happy – cuddling and intimate right until the day he announced he was leaving. He moved out on December 28th, just five days after breaking the news, leaving me so devastated I ended up in hospital with a panic attack.

Our fertility journey had been particularly painful. For years, doctors wrongly blamed me for our inability to conceive, only to discover my husband's cannabis use had been affecting his sperm quality, causing my miscarriages. He quit smoking when we found out, but by then, my body had already stopped menstruating for a year due to the hormonal trauma of multiple losses.

A month after he left, I discovered was pregnant. While it's early days, I'm torn about what to do. Should I tell him now? And after his sudden abandonment – which he blamed on wanting to be alone – I'm not even sure I want to reconcile. What would you do in my situation?

Christine, Thika

Are you facing a dilemma? To seek help or give advice, write to: satmag@ke.nationmedia.com