Abandoned by their husbands, Kajiado women left to raise special needs children alone

When at Kitengela Noonkopir village in Kajiado East Sub-County, it’s hard to miss the anguish written all over the faces of villagers. 

A recent report showed that out of 54 physically and mentally challenged children in Kitengela, 98 per cent are under the care of their mothers. Many men remarry because they associate their women with curses.

While stigma against CWDs is common in Africa, you can actually feel it in Kitengela. The strange stares, the frowning faces and the don’t care attitude have condemned these women to a collective life of misery.

Most of the children have cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, autism and hydrocephalus, among other conditions.

Left by husband of 14 years

Ms Sophia Kimatu, 42, was abandoned by her husband of 14 years after more than a decade of struggle to raise a child with cerebral palsy. The girl is now 15. She later gave birth to a healthy baby, but as fate would have it, it succumbed to kidney disease in 2016.

“My husband was a truck driver and I was working in one of the textile factories at the Athi River Export Processing Zone (EPZ). We used to spend our earnings on basic needs and our daughter’s medical care. We lived in a one-bedroom house, but despite challenges, we were a relatively happy family,” she says.

Things just changed one evening in May 2018 for the worse. Ms Kimatu remembered how her husband came home at 9pm, packed his clothes and left in a huff, saying he was set to begin a new life elsewhere. Her pleas for him to stay fell on deaf ears.

“He never gave an explanation as to why he was leaving us, but I later gathered he remarried and sired healthy children. He felt I was a bad omen and he was under pressure from his siblings to abandon me,” she offers.

Ms Kimatu is a seamstress. It’s not a well-paying job, but it gives enough for basic needs. She remains hopeful of giving birth to a healthy baby to prove a point to her estranged husband, despite her advancing age.

It’s common in Africa for men to abandon family responsibilities when either the wife or the children have disabilities.

“Only a few men can live with a disabled mother who has given birth to disabled children. I have lost hope of settling down,” offers a woman who lives in both worlds as she raises her hands in a universal gesture of despair. A resignation to fate.

Developed complications

Ms Mary Wambui Ndung’u, 43, has been struggling with her autistic daughter, now 13. Her child was normal at birth, but developed complications that resulted in autism when she was nine months old.

She’s been raising her alone after the father abandoned them. There was hope six years ago when the county government launched a project aimed at putting up an integrated centre at Noonkopir Primary School.

It was supposed to help CWDs in the region with special skills, but it was abandoned soon after the launch.

“Most of the parents are poor and cannot afford fees charged in private schools that take care of children with special needs. Our children do not attend school. Parents struggle to teach them basics in life,” says Ms Wambui.

Earlier, in 2014, the mothers formed a community-based organisation known as ‘The Tiala Foundation’. It sought to champion the rights and medical care for CWDs in the region. Ms Wambui is the director. 

“Most men run away from responsibilities of raising CWDs. They abandon their families. Let them know disability is a club that anyone can join anytime,” she says.

The women have been using the organisation to reach out to well-wishers and the National Council for Persons with Disabilities for assistance. They are looking for wheelchairs and other devices.

“We share the little we have. We provide a shoulder to lean on to each other. This is a journey one cannot walk alone,” says Ms Wambui

Members used to meet monthly before the Covid-19 pandemic interrupted their schedule. They urge men to support children born with challenges instead of running away.

They also want the county government to set up centres in public schools to ensure CWDs access education as a basic right.