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‘I thought of suicide’: Teacher’s harrowing ordeal after boyfriend leaked her intimate photos online
A woman who has experienced online harassment.
What you need to know:
- After refusing to take a loan for her partner, Emily’s intimate photos were posted online, destroying her mental health and nearly costing her life.
- Her story exposes the terrifying rise of revenge porn and online harassment in Kenya—abuse that continues to silence women and tear apart families.
- Survivors and ICT specialists are now calling for stronger reporting systems, better digital literacy and tougher enforcement.
Emily Johns* was excited about her new relationship with a man she had been introduced to through her sister. The primary school teacher first met the digital marketer at a networking event her sister organised in 2023. They connected quickly, and everything seemed to be going well until mid-2024, when he asked her to take out a Sh200,000 loan for him—money he claimed he urgently needed to start a business.
“I told him there was no way I’d take a loan for him when we were not even officially married,” she recalls. “He was angered by my assertiveness and threatened to share the intimate photos I had sent him. We were dating, and those are the things you share with someone your heart beats for.”
At the time, Emily dismissed it as an empty threat meant to pressure her into giving in. But the shock came soon after. “We hadn’t spoken for a week, then, suddenly, a WhatsApp notification from him popped up on my screen. I didn’t open it immediately. Just moments later, my older sister called to scold me,” she says. “He had posted the photos on Facebook using a different account. My sister received them from her friend, who was asking whether I’d gone mad.”
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The experience plunged Emily into depression. For three months, she could not bring herself to leave the house. She eventually threw away her phone. It took her sister’s intervention and counselling sessions for her to regain some stability. Meanwhile, her brothers had to confront the boyfriend to pressure him into taking the photos down—although by then, they had already been widely circulated.
“Today, I can talk about it without crying, but that was the lowest moment of my life. I thought about committing suicide. I’m grateful to my sister; without her, I think I’d have taken poison or something. The pain, the shame, the burning anger—it consumes you,” she says. “I’m lucky my employer allowed me to take three-month leave and that I still have my job. Imagine if I were in business. Would my business not have collapsed? That shaming… I don’t even know how to describe it.”
What Emily experienced is image-based abuse—one of the most common forms of digital violence, often referred to as online gender-based violence or technology-facilitated GBV. Women disproportionately bear the brunt of this harm as abusers weaponise social media, email, and mobile phones. While studies on digital violence against men remain limited, a 2021 Economist Intelligence Unit study found that 38 per cent of women globally had personally experienced online abuse, while 85 per cent had witnessed it happening to others.
A 2024 study on digital violence in Kenya’s higher learning institutions—conducted by the Collaborative Centre for Gender and Development and the University of Nairobi Women’s Economic Empowerment Hub—indicates that 35.5 per cent of male students have also experienced at least one form of online violence.
Dr Grace Githaiga, Chief Executive Officer of the Kenya ICT Action Network, offers practical advice on protecting oneself from digital abuse. She urges both women and men to be cautious about what they share online, warning that too much personal information leaves behind a digital footprint that can easily be weaponised. Intimate images shared in relationships, often innocently, can later be misused through non-consensual sharing. “We share things—baby bumps, family photos, our daily routines. But anyone can screenshot, save or misuse that content,” she says.
She notes that digital devices and apps track more information than many people realise. She advises users to pay attention to permissions granted to apps when installing them. “When you’re desperate, say when borrowing money online, you allow apps to access your contacts, photos, even your social media accounts. Some lenders then use this information to shame, insult or harass you when you default,” she says.
Self-protection
Protecting oneself also involves using strong, unique passwords rather than easy-to-crack favourites. “People use ‘password’, ‘1234’, or their children’s names. That’s the easiest way to get hacked,” she notes.
She recommends using passwords in vernacular languages—phrases known only to the user—and enabling two-factor authentication for sensitive accounts such as email and banking. Digital abuse also thrives when harmful content is normalised, she says. “We must stop forwarding jokes, memes or screenshots that violate someone’s privacy. That is how we normalise abuse.”
She encourages women and men to call out online harassment within families, friendships and communities. As a survivor herself, Dr Githaiga outlines steps to take when seeking justice. “Take screenshots of abusive messages. Keep records. Then report formally to law enforcement,” she says.
While many survivors feel discouraged by slow justice systems, reporting builds a record and contributes to broader systemic change. “Even if your perpetrator gets scared just because you reported, that fear alone can stop them from harming someone else,” she says.
She adds that while social media platforms have reporting mechanisms, users should also block abusive accounts. “They don’t need to insult you or make you feel less human. Block them.”
Dr Githaiga acknowledges the increased vulnerability of people who work virtually and face online abuse in isolation. “Reach out to a friend, sibling, colleague or professional counsellor,” she urges. “Talking helps. Counsellors help you unpack what’s going on in your mind.”
Content detection
Her network has developed lexicons in Swahili, Luo, Kikuyu, Teso and Somali to help platforms detect harmful content, especially insults and threats written in vernacular languages. These tools have been shared with Meta and TikTok to strengthen content moderation. The organisation also runs reporting platforms and operates WhatsApp groups that track digital violence cases and produce quarterly reports used for policy advocacy.
But Dr Githaiga emphasises that curbing digital violence requires collective responsibility. “In any campaign, someone must make it an issue. When Kenyans report, flag and refuse to share harmful content, we create pressure for action,” she says.
*Survivor’s name changed to protect her privacy.
