Bound by ritual, betrayed by in-laws: Time to end cultural violence against widows

The International Week of Families observed annually from May 12 to 16 serves as a global reminder of the family’s pivotal role as society’s cornerstone. Established by the United Nations in 1993, this week underscores the need to nurture and protect families. It recognises their strength as the foundation for resilient communities.

In Kenya, this observance aligns with the Constitution’s robust commitment to family as a fundamental institution (Article 45), while explicitly rejecting cultural practices that undermine dignity and equality (Article 44). The Constitution mandates the eradication of retrogressive traditions—such as those perpetuating gender-based violence that fracture families and violate human rights, urging us to champion a culture that uplifts rather than oppresses.

Read: Grief and abuse: Inside Kenya’s shocking widowhood rituals

In this spirit, we reflect on the urgent need to confront harmful practices that target vulnerable family members, particularly widows, under the guise of tradition. The Constitution not only safeguards individual dignity (Article 28) but also binds the state to international frameworks like the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (Cedaw), which condemns customs that harm women.

Mellen Mogaka’s Story

As Kenya marked sexual assault awareness month last month, the harrowing experience of Mellen Mogaka—a widow brutalised for rejecting a coercive burial ritual—exposes the intersection of cultural violence and family disintegration. Her story demands action to dismantle traditions that betray the constitutional promise of equality and the global call to strengthen families.

Mellen was assaulted by her male relatives. She was beaten, stripped, and traumatised for refusing a widowhood ritual that demanded her to throw a handful of soil into the grave of her former husband.

On March 21, 2025, she attended the burial of her estranged husband, Joseph Osoro, in Nyabisimba village, Nyamira County. The couple had been separated, and Joseph had remarried before his death in a road accident. As reported in the media, Mellen's intention with her attendance at his funeral was for their children to pay their last respects. ​

Read: ‘I refused the 'cleansing' ritual that assumed I was unfaithful’, a widow’s horror

According to reports, on the eve of the burial, Mellen was locked overnight in a room with her ex-husband's body. The following day, during the burial ceremony, members of her former in-laws’ family demanded that she perform a traditional ritual by throwing soil into the grave, a practice symbolising a widow's final farewell and, in some beliefs, binding her to the deceased. Mellen refused, citing her estranged status and personal convictions.

The attack had a profound impact on Mellen and her family. She reported that her eldest child was traumatised by witnessing the assault and has since struggled to attend school. Mellen expressed regret over attending the burial, stating that she would have preferred to send someone else with the children.

Cultural practices as GBV weapons

The incident prompted condemnation from women's rights groups and lawmakers, who criticised the use of cultural practices to justify gender-based violence. They emphasised that cultural traditions should not override individual rights and dignity. In response to the ordeal, Mellen's father offered to return the dowry paid for her marriage, aiming to sever ties with the family and protect his daughter from further harm. ​

Her crime? Defying a Kisii traditional burial rite designed to tether her to her estranged husband’s homestead, a practice that strips widows of autonomy under the guise of “respect.” This was not culture; it was gendered violence masquerading as tradition.

Patriarchal grips as tools of control

Like female genital mutilation and widow inheritance, widow cleansing is a harmful traditional practice rooted in patriarchal control, undermining women’s right to bodily autonomy, dignity, and freedom. In the Gusii community, widows are forced to undergo chisigati—a ritual where they shave their heads, drink bitter herbs, and sleep with a brother-in-law to “cleanse” their husband’s spirit. Refusal invites violence or exile. These acts are not about reverence; they are about domination. They signal that a woman’s body is communal property, her sexuality a vessel for male entitlement, and her grief an opportunity for subjugation.

This pattern repeats across Kenya. Among the Luo, tero (widow inheritance) forces women into marriages with male relatives. The Kamba practice kutambia kiveti, where widows are confined and stripped of possessions. Each ritual shares a common thread: the disempowerment of widows, who are already vulnerable. Stripped of social status, economically marginalised, and labelled “cursed,” these women become targets for exploitation. Patriarchal systems thrive on their isolation—controlling where they go, whom they marry, and even how they mourn.

Silence as complicity

The Constitution promises dignity (Article 28), protects culture only if it respects equality (Article 44), and binds the state to international treaties like the Convention on the Elimination of All forms of Discrimination Against Women and the African Protocol on Human and People’s Rights on the Rights of Women in Africa (Maputo Protocol), both of which prohibit harmful practices like widow inheritance.

In the case of Mellen, the absence of police protection during her assault at her ex-husband's funeral underscores systemic failures in safeguarding vulnerable individuals. The incident, which saw her attacked by boda boda riders after being invited by her mother-in-law, gained significant attention on social media. This public outcry prompted the Directorate of Criminal Investigations to issue a statement acknowledging the incident and committing to investigating the matter thoroughly. ​

Subsequently, the perpetrators were apprehended, reprimanded, and released on bond. Each individual was granted a bond of Sh20,000. The court has scheduled the hearing for May 15, 2025. ​This case highlights the critical role of social media in mobilising justice and the need for systemic reforms to protect individuals from such injustices.

Policymakers must break harmful practices

The Gender Department and county assemblies must prioritise legislation and public education to dismantle these practices. The recently enacted Gender Mainstreaming Policy (2023) of Kisii, for example, mandates counties to “eliminate cultural norms perpetuating gender inequality”. The Kisii County Assembly should urgently pass bylaws criminalising coercive widow rituals and fund community dialogues to redefine ‘respect’ for widows as this is becoming a rampant phenomenon in the county. The national government has a critical role regarding oversight and implementation and should audit all counties for compliance with the National Policy on Gender and Development (2019), which explicitly targets harmful traditions.

A system in crisis for survivor support

Just like many women, Mellen had nowhere to run. Kenya lacks survivor-centred mechanisms: legal aid is underfunded, GBV shelters are overcrowded, and psychosocial support is scarce. While the National GBV Hotline (1195) exists, rural women often can’t access it. Counties must allocate budgets for safe houses, mobile legal clinics, and trauma counselling.

It’s time for Kisii courts and law enforcement to stop treating cultural violence as a lesser crime. There is no exemption from the law when a woman is brutalised—whether by strangers or by ‘tradition’. The Director of Public Prosecutions must demand stricter prosecutions in GBV cases tied to culture. Police in Kisii require mandatory GBV training to stop dismissing assaults as “family matters that are often resolved through Kangaroo courts and often disfavour women and girls, who are left in a perpetual circle of disempowerment”. 

Magistrates must be reminded of Article 2(5) of the Constitution, including Cedaw’s ban on harmful practices, that is binding to the government. If a man can be jailed for assaulting a neighbour, why not for assaulting a widow under the guise of ritual?

A culture that crushes widows is no culture at all

Kenya cannot cherry-pick progress. If we celebrate Maasai girls in classrooms and Luo women owning land, we must condemn rituals that brutalise widows. Culture evolves—or it becomes tyranny. There’s a need for a general understanding amongst traditionalists and communities at large that culture evolves, or it risks becoming a tyranny and that renouncing these practices makes for a healthier, progressive environment that fosters growth for all individuals. We must uphold the dignity of women and girls, who, like Mellen, don’t require the betrayal of their communities who harm them in the name of culture that leaves deep scars.

The writer is a policy advocate in Kisii County.