December reverse dowry: The woes of returning children, camels and cows
The cattle taken to the bride's family by a groom as a form of bride wealth.
What you need to know:
- Dowry remains a key step in recognising a marriage and can ease the division of matrimonial property when a union ends.
A week ago, Chris Moracha, a pre-marital counsellor, received five requests—all on a Monday—from couples seeking guidance.
“Usually, December is the high season because people are away from work,” he says. “In other months, you’d get an average of three in a week.”
But by Friday, two couples had cancelled their sessions. When he followed up, he discovered a startling reason: fear of the ‘reverse dowry’.
“The two were having issues over whether the man should pay dowry at all,” Moracha explains.
“The women didn’t want to risk being asked to return it. They had seen something online about a court directing women to return dowry after divorce.”
The social media chatter referred to a 2023 Kisii High Court civil appeal ruling in the case CKN v DMO.
At the trial stage, Kisii Chief Magistrate’s Court had ordered a woman to return dowry following the end of her marriage, even though she had never received it directly. The court also did not recognise that the dowry had been paid to her parents. Aggrieved, she appealed, but the High Court dismissed her case.
She had argued that a court could not order her to return dowry paid to her parents. She sought to vacate the payment of Sh150,000.
Kisii High Court, however, upheld the return of dowry, citing the overlap of Kisii customary law and Christian marriage traditions.
“The court rightly ordered the return of the two instruments for each marriage. The Christian marriage certificate was returned to signal cancellation, and the traditional marriage was cancelled through dowry return,” the court ruled. “Whether the dowry was returned by her or her father was irrelevant. She had two years to file an indemnity suit against her father.”
Dowry remains a key step in recognising a marriage and can ease the division of matrimonial property when a union ends.
Types of marriage
Kenya’s Marriage Act of 2014 recognises five types of marriage - civil, Christian, Hindu, customary, and Islamic. For customary marriages, the union must be celebrated according to community customs. Even a token payment of dowry is sufficient to formalise the marriage.
While dowry is often a joyful sign of union, it can become a nightmare if the marriage collapses.
In the Gusii community, it is not the divorced daughter who bears the burden of returning dowry.“It is the families on both sides who determine how much is to be reversed,” says James Matundura, chairperson of the Gusii Council of Elders. “The parents received the dowry, not the daughter, so you cannot ask her to return it.”
The welfare of the children is a key factor when determining how much dowry should be returned.“Children belong to the mother if dowry has not been fully paid. Elders must weigh the welfare of the children and ensure their best interests,” Matundura explains, adding: “The father remains a parent despite the end of the marriage.”
This aligns with the Kisii Appellate Court ruling: “The parties’ making of children was a joint effort. A husband could be a mongrel to his wife or ex-wife but remained a father. Being a bad spouse does not make one a bad parent.”
In Turkana, dowry reversal can be more complex. Kochodin assistant chief Ekiru Alokas explains that before a woman joins a family, a bonding ritual involving a bull and dowry binds her to the husband and his family. Portions of the dowry go to the father and uncles.
“If the marriage fails and the ex-wife leaves all the children with the ex-husband, the dowry is not refunded,” he says.
“Children are considered the equivalent of the bride paid for by the dowry.”
For example, if 20 camels and 30 goats were paid, the same must be returned if the woman keeps the children. Should a mother take them without returning the dowry, the husband’s family may seize animals by force.
It can get even more complicated among the Maasai. Here, dowry reversal involves dividing children.
“Say you have five children and don’t reverse the dowry. The mother may take two, and the father three,” explains Maureen Namunyak, senior assistant chief in Ilngosuani, Kajiado County.
“If the husband was irresponsible and the mother wants to keep the children, the family must return both the main and extended dowry, which can be additional cows given to the father or mother.”
Failure to comply with dowry return obligations can have serious consequences even after remarriage.
“If a woman dies without officially cancelling the marriage, she cannot be buried by her current husband,” Namunyak adds.
