Men, split the bills this January

January is here again! You had an early Christmas (December) pay, left the city, and plunged into holiday festivities that came with a heavier-than-usual expenditure.

You solved emergencies in the village… a sick relative that needed medical attention, a higher-than-usual budget on Christmas, farm inputs… bought a goat or two, some rounds of drinks for your holiday friends and relatives… you tried to be resourceful when you were with your folk, this one time you were home in 2022.

When you thought you still had enough money, the landlord came calling with a non-negotiable deadline. You offloaded the rent burden you had postponed when you earned last year.

Also read: On wives’ reluctance to spend their own money 

Then came the rush to settle down before the work calendar begins! You got back to the city, realised there is no food in the house, the electricity bill came calling, “pay your water” reminders… and the numbers in your account shrank even more!

But you promised yourself not to be bitten by January again… and really tried to spend responsibly. You still have a few notes to go by, it’s not as bad… even better that the Ministry of Education pushed school opening to of January 23, 2023.

The woman in your life is also barely afloat. She sorted out some bills for her brothers and sisters in the village and cleared her chama loans, spent quite a chunk of her income on a wedding dress she was a bridesmaid at. She now needs her festivity braids out and her back-to-work hair done.

Traditions

The traditional expectation in most Kenyan communities is that men should pay for everything. Men are expected to come home with bread, kanyama (meat), milk, pay school fees and sort out the farm employees, among other financial-related responsibilities.

On the other hand, women have traditionally been left at home taking care of children and cleaning the house, cooking, and performing traditional women's roles in their families.

Some women, especially after giving birth, quit their jobs to take care of their children as the man provides. This often puts a lot of pressure on the man, leading to feuds in the family.

I know a couple that opened a joint bank account so the husband could be the one paying the bills. Why does she not just pay the bills from her account? Is it that demeaning for a woman to be seen as the one paying for her man?

I have had some conversations with married men. Some can’t take it! Some won’t even let their wives go to work, even after graduating with a degree.

There is even a saying that goes, “men like smart women, but not in their house.” They insist on being the sole provider! We need to change this, and change it now!

Also read: Handling money as a couple: The key to growing family wealth

Research by Okcupid shows that women are now more willing to foot bills half-half or pay for everything, from the first date, but most men are not okay with that. Men want to pay the entire bill, yet it’s not that men are eager to spend to the last coin. Men want to show that they are indeed “men”!

Gender norms and expectations will only be dissolved if both sides step out of their comfort zones. If your female partner wants you to cook, they have to also help in mowing the grass. If your community reserves milking of cows for men, women can do it as well, but that means men then prepare breakfast as she milks.

Gentlemen, you don’t have to foot all the bills. It doesn’t make you less of a man. Women paying bills should also not be a once-in-a-while treat for their partners. Let her play a consistent financial role. You might not both earn the same pay.

If she has more, let her take the bigger chunk of the bill. When we speak about gender equality, it comes with responsibilities from both sides. Split it 50-50 if you can, and if not, ask her to pay for some things… like food and water. Planning and sharing the costs is the way to go.

The writer is an award-winning multimedia journalist and director of communications for the Global Media Campaign; [email protected]