My GBV story: Four slum women speak out

The annual 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence (GBV) campaign urges citizens to share their actions towards ending violence against women and girls. Governments, worldwide, are also expected to invest in GBV prevention.

Four women and one teenager living in Mukuru Kwa Njenga and Mukuru kwa Reuben slums in Eastlands, Nairobi share their stories of surviving GBV with nation.africa.

Judith*: My best friend, a man, defiled me

Since I was born, I have never felt my father’s love. He is a harsh man who sometimes says the most hurtful things. When I completed Class Eight, he stopped paying my school fees. I was, however, very desperate because I love studying. My mother is a casual labourer and her earnings are not guaranteed.

My friends advised that I get a boyfriend and I did. That was last year; I was 16 years old. At first, he was very friendly and would help me purchase some things I needed for school. In my naivety, I thought the 22-year-old was heaven sent to save me from my troubles. The attention was also something I had craved a long time.

When I ended up pregnant, I thought about procuring an abortion because I wanted to go back to school. My mother pleaded with me not to, but I felt guilty that I had added to her burdens. I ran away from home for a whole month to the man’s house but my mother found me. The man was arrested for impregnating an underage girl. The case is still ongoing. Upon returning home, I was ashamed and did not leave the house for a long time. I was able to go back to school but dropped out in Form Two because I often lacked school fees. My father said he was glad he had not paid my high school fees since I had ended up pregnant anyways.

I lost many friends and was in seclusion until I met a social worker who helped me undergo counselling. I am rebuilding my confidence but I have fears about my future. I want to go back to school but seeing my mom’s struggle, perhaps a beauty course would help us more. I would like to urge young girls not to fall for peer pressure because the effects are long lasting. I would also like to take care of my baby girl with a lot of love, so that she does not fall prey to sexual groomers.

Cecilia: Six men gang raped me during elections campaign

I worked as a casual labourer for a cloth manufacturing company in Nairobi. One evening in 2007 during the campaign period, I was walking home from work when I was ambushed by six men. They asked me which party I supported but I could not answer. The next thing I knew, the men ripped my clothes and took turns to sexually assault me. I bled a lot but didn’t know where to report or how to seek justice.

I had a come-we-stay arrangement with my boyfriend and when I got home, he accused me of knowing the perpetrators and consenting to sex with them. He kicked me out while I was still bleeding. I went to a neighbour who took me to a clinic after a few days.

Three months later, I learnt that I was pregnant.  My first thought was abortion but after a conversation with my mother, she dissuaded me. When my daughter was born, she was my lookalike and that was comforting. All through, I thought I had gotten better but three years later, I felt intense hatred for my daughter.

My plan was to stand on the railway line while holding her and get run over. But on the evening that I had intended to do it, I met a woman who saved me. She took me to a community-based organisation where I was immediately enrolled for counselling sessions. I would cry a lot during those sessions. When I met other survivors of sexual assault, I began to feel better. The organisation also gave us seed capital to run a business; selling charcoal and detergents.

Unfortunately, with the evictions of Mukuru kwa Njenga slums last year, our group was severely affected. My life is harder now but I take it a day at a time. In spite of it all, I was lucky to find a widower who has come to love me and my daughter. When my daughter was in Class Five, we finally had the conversation about my rape ordeal. She had been asking about her biological father for a long time. When she learnt about the news, she broke down but slowly accepted.

Today, I love her very much. I hear that there were some survivors from the post-election violence who were compensated by the government, but many of us who also underwent similar challenges still long for justice. The government should fund grassroots organisations that support survivors of GBV, because without them, many of us would be dead.

Mutio: My ex-husband beat me for 26 years

For 26 years, I endured domestic violence at the hands of my husband. The beatings were on and off. At the beginning, I would involve his siblings and other family members who would mediate and ask me to continue with the relationship. But over the years, it got progressively worse since he was an alcoholic. I would then report to the chief but nothing happened. Whenever, he was summoned, he would bribe and was let free. I would also report to the pastor and share my woes with other women in church but aside from prayers, I never got any tangible help.

In 2018, however, I learnt about a community initiative which supports GBV survivors to seek help via an SMS platform, from a friend.  When he beat me up, I sent a text message and I was sent a case manager. He helped me get medical attention and afterward, I got help to report and file a case.

My now ex-husband was arrested and jailed for six months. When he was freed, he never came back to our house. Leaving an abusive marriage is difficult and that is why it is important to have a support system. In my case, I had no close family members to turn to. However, the community organisation offered me and other survivors group counselling.

We also had football matches, which helped us release the stress we harboured. This helped us overcome shame. Survivors should speak up, despite fear of stigmatisation. Do not stay in abusive marriages because we have heard of many women who have ended up dead because of enduring violent partners. Do not take the threats lightly because one day, they could come true.

I have regained my confidence, and I am even a chairlady of the survivors’ chama where we have bi-weekly savings to improve our lives. We also run a cereal shop together at Vietnam, here in Mukuru Kwa Njenga.

The government and other stakeholders should invest in community forums, which enlighten survivors on how to access help. Information is power.

Maggie: Two rape ordeals ended my nun aspirations

Growing up, I always wanted to be a Catholic nun. In 2017, however, my dreams crumbled. My mother had a charcoal selling shop at Pipeline estate, Nairobi. I was 18 and had completed high school. My mother being unwell, I was unable to join campus and instead I would handle customers at the shop. One client, Bob, would often come to buy charcoal. From time to time, he would ask that I follow him to his house to pick money.

On June 28, however, Bob asked that I accompany him but unlike the norm, he offered me a glass of juice. Since it was during the day, I had no worries at all. When I got inside the house, he locked the door, tore my clothes and raped me.

For a long time, I did not tell anyone because I didn’t know how to access justice. My mother, who is hypertensive, was on bed rest and I feared such news would worsen her condition. I suffered in silence for months until I opened up to one community health promoter who had come for a home visit. She took me to a local NGO where underwent 16 weeks of counselling and was assigned a mentor who was a social worker.

Towards the end of the year, Bob came to ask for forgiveness but I could not. The social worker, Eva, pushed to report and track Bob, but he was never found. I heard that he might have escaped to Kirinyaga County. My life was completely shattered after that experience. For two year, I suffered extreme depression and I remember being underweight (38kgs).

I would like to urge survivors of GBV to speak up to get help. I they can get therapy because this has helped me a lot. At the beginning of my counselling, I would cry nonstop and not utter a single word. It took a long time before I got back to normal. While in counselling, I also got a Ministry of Health/Amref scholarship to go back to campus to study community health.

Unfortunately, in 2021 while in campus, I was drugged and raped again. I wanted to commit suicide. The perpetrator was a classmate who hailed from a powerful family. Eva helped me to access justice. She would even attend court cases on my behalf. When I last followed up, he was arrested and jailed.

After the second ordeal, I went back to zero and had to seek counselling again. I am getting better. Currently, I am looking for a job in the field of community health and development. I am also a community champion against rape and other forms of GBV because they are very rampant in Mukuru kwa Njenga slums.  At the moment there are many programmes targeting the girl child but I wish we would have more targeting the boychild too because some turn into perpetrators for lack of empowerment.

Naom: My ex-husband bit my finger to prevent me from earning a living

I was married for 12 years to a verbally and physically abusive husband.  The first few years were peaceful. Over time, however, things escalated and I would constantly run away from our house. The big issue was that he married me when I had two children from a previous relationship. He had not fully accepted them. We had one child together. He would give me money or just buy enough things for himself, myself and his child. When the items ran out before the end of the month, because I obviously included the two children, he would argue that his budget did not cater for us all. One day, I confronted him about his behaviour. He said vile things in front of my children, accusing me of prostituting myself. He started to hit me and chased me outside to a sewer nearby with a pliers and a knife.

A few women saved me. After that incident, the nyumba kumi elders intervened and asked us to dissolve the marriage. He was asked to come to the house and take everything that belonged to him in the presence of an elder. He took sufurias, mattresses, maize flour and even mixed maize that was in a sack. He also took down electricity wiring and left us in the dark.

I lived peacefully after that for a year until my father died. The man and his family showed up during his burial and in the moment of grief, we got back together. However, the peace was short-lived. Upon my return to Nairobi from the burial, drama started. He started to question who had been feeding me while he was away. When I said Jesus was my support, he pounced on me and started to beat me. He then bit my index finger to the point it almost fell off. I believe his motive was to prevent me from earning a living since I wash clothes for sustenance.

I went to a nearby clinic where I was sewn. He also went to church and slandered my name accusing me of having an affair with the pastor. I wanted to poison myself. Luckily, I was introduced to a social worker, Consolata. She offered me a lot of counselling and enrolled me to a programme that supports women who have suffered GBV. If I had not spoken up back then, I do not know where I would be today. I also want survivors not to be afraid because the support is out there.

However, I want to urge more organisations to come up for the boy child, especially the teens. Women are empowered but men who have years of trauma have no counselling. Trainings and other programmes should come up to ensure we do not end up with society of many single mothers and women because of domestic violence.

*Name changed to protect the identity of a minor.

This story was done in collaboration with Africa Youth Trust and Action Aid.

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