People can only hold us back by the power we give them

A  story I read in the papers recently challenged me to drop any form of entitlement from my veins, and deeply appreciate all that I have.

John Lokuta Ewoi recently graduated with a master's degree from the Technical University of Mombasa. I know I still do not have your attention because… aren’t there like a gazillion people with master's degrees out there, including people with Summa Cum Laudes from Harvard and other distinguished Ivy League universities?

This is the story of John.

He was born without limbs in sweltering Baragoi, Samburu County. Most of us will remember Baragoi from the dark headlines in 2012 – the ‘Baragoi Massacre’ in which 42 uniformed officers were killed.

John ended up in class because he lacked the balance needed to navigate the bumpy terrain to herd like his age-mates because his is a pastoralist community. He was, of course, different from his classmates who had both hands and feet, but this did not deter him.

Think about the number of times you felt bad because you thought everyone had a prettier dress than yours at a party, and notice how frivolous that is.

Now, with a ‘small’ left hand (underdeveloped), and no right hand at all, he uses his jaws and lips to write, make calls and handle other tasks. But even with these odds, he graduated with a first-class, which earned him a scholarship to pursue his master's.

John’s story reminded me of my privilege; how when I am faced with a challenge, I momentarily lose sight of how much I have. I know this applies to many people who are somehow convinced that the world owes them for simply existing. And so when we face the first hurdle in life, whether this is rejection by friends or an inconveniencing delay, there is the temptation to do something extreme like cutting off people, writing ourselves off, blaming everyone around us, and even doubting if God exists.

The mental posture we seem to have is that the world and everything else in the solar system revolve around our whims and caprices – nothing could be further from the truth. Aggrievement and his twin brother (or sister, please don’t crucify me) entitlement will get you in a corner asking: “Why don’t I have what they have” or “Why did this happen to me,” and blind you to the opportunities you have.

The goal of this piece is not to prescribe how to respond to challenges in life (I wish I had that prescription myself) but to remind us that we are the captains of our lives; circumstances and people who we believe hold us back only use the power we give them, to control the outcomes of our lives. 

Hero vs villain

An IG reel I stumbled upon defined ‘villain’ and ‘hero’ in a way I will likely never forget.

Both hero and villain have gone through dark pasts, have faced significant life challenges, and are severely scarred. The difference between them is that the hero takes the stand that “I will be damned if anyone else has to go through this” and becomes a better person who protects others from the pain they went through.

The villain, on the other hand, blames everyone around them for their misfortune and leads a life of revenge, determined to inflict pain in the hope that this will improve their own pain. Notice the difference between these two? Mindset.

I have thought about John often this week. He probably would have been justified if he dismissed himself because of the disability he was born with. It would be within a normal range of action if he had decided to quit school after the first attempt because of how challenging it must have been for him to handle most of the tasks expected of him as a student.

It would have been within his right to give up because unlike other children born with both their hands and feet, ‘everything was against him’ at birth. But he did not. And today he is a source of hope that, with the right mindset, no hills are unclimbable, and no mountains insurmountable.

The writer is the research & impact editor, NMG ([email protected]).