Till GBV do us part; why marriage vows need revision
The Covid-19 pandemic has forced spouses to be in each other’s spaces and faces, and the result has been a spike in gender-based violence.
What you need to know:
- A Harvard Study on Adult development, which has followed 724 men since they were teenagers in 1938, reveals that loneliness kills.
- Marriage can be a beautiful thing and a great source of happiness. But it can also be a great source of distress for spouses, for one reason or the other.
Why must death be the sole reason for spouses parting ways? The “till death do us part” bit of marriage vows could be responsible for men and women leaving their union in caskets.
Time is ripe for a revision of these vows. To avoid doubt, I’m not disputing that marriage is a serious and life-long commitment and a source of happiness for many couples.
The Harvard Study on Adult development, which has followed 724 men since they were teenagers in 1938, revealed that loneliness kills.
The longitudinal study found a strong association between happiness and close relationships like spouses, family, friends, and social circles. And those who don’t have that are likely to have high stress levels and poorer mental health.
So, it’s proven that marriage can be a beautiful thing and a great source of happiness. But it can also be an ugly thing and a great source of distress for spouses, for one reason or the other.
Covid-19
The Covid-19 pandemic has forced spouses to be in each other’s spaces and faces, for lack of a better phrase, and the result has been a spike in gender-based violence (GBV), with women being disproportionately affected by it. Financial strain resulting from a shrinking economy has also led to high stress levels amongst couples.
According to the department of gender, the number of reported cases of GBV in 2020, was five times the number registered in 2019. Activists claim the actual figures could be higher because of the stigma and fear associated with reporting.
A woman who considers leaving her marriage has to contend with the possibility of becoming a social pariah and live under the shadow of the highly stigmatised divorcee label for the rest of her life.
In such cases, the “till death do us part” bit in Christian marriage vows and its equivalent in other religions does not help much. How about “Till gender-based violence does us apart” for a change? Maybe that way, women will stop leaving their marriages when they die from GBV-related causes.
'Prayed away'
It’s a sad reality that toxic unions are often tolerated and sometimes “prayed away”, even when leaving will make a difference between living and dying for the woman.
The Harvard University study also pointed out that knowing when to let go, especially past failures, is key in achieving happiness. Death does not need to be the ultimatum in leaving a marriage.
This year’s theme for the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, which kicked off on November 25, is Orange the world: End violence against women now! This calls for a reminder to married women that walking away from an abusive spouse is not a betrayal to the union but a sign of love and loyalty to themselves.
We can do our part by breaking all forms of stigma against women who leave toxic relationships. And repeating to them that death does not need to do them apart. They are better off walking away from their marriages on their feet than being carried away in coffins.
Miss Oneya comments on social and gender topics. [email protected], Twitter @FaithOneya
