Why we must speak up about violence against women
Peaceful protests in Isiolo town against the killing of gender and peace activist Elizabeth Ibrahim.
What you need to know:
- When women experience violence, the trauma persists long after the physical or emotional harm ceases.
- It’s common for married women to be told that violence in marriage is normal and that as long as the man provides for the family, they should stop complaining.
Tina Turner described her first marriage as a life of death and non-existence because of the violence and abuse she experienced. Her haunting account echoes the experiences of countless women worldwide.
Decades after escaping her abusive marriage, Tina Turner still battled with nightmares. When women experience violence, the trauma persists long after the physical or emotional harm ceases, stripping victims of their self-worth and reducing them to mere shells.
Gender-based violence, labelled by the UN as the most pervasive, yet concealed human rights violation, thrives in silence, normalised to the point where neither victims nor perpetrators feel alarmed.
It’s not uncommon for married women to be told that violence in marriage is normal and that as long as the man provides for the family, they should stop complaining. Statements like these, plus the stigma and shame that comes with violence, keep women silent, and complacent.
Alarming data from the 2022 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey (KDHS) reveals that 43 per cent of women and 35 per cent of men believe that a man is justified to beat his wife.
Also read: No! Women don’t condone domestic violence
In rural Kenya, 51 per cent of women and 40 per cent of men agreed that wife beating is justified under circumstances like burning food, returning home late, or refusing to have sex with him.
Marital status and age further compound the experiences of violence among women, with the frequency escalating as they grow older.
Fatal consequences
These statistics not only expose the widespread nature of physical violence in Kenya, but also shed light on a culture that normalises such brutality, endangering women not only physically but also emotionally.
Tragically, many women fail to recognise their victimhood and suffer fatal consequences or permanent trauma. For numerous women, escaping or speaking out remains an unthinkable option.
Many women, plagued by grief and chaos, remain trapped between the chains of violence and the distant dream of freedom, gradually growing numb and accepting violence as an inherent part of relationships, marriage, and life itself.
So why would anyone think that such a woman would not find it okay to be beaten over burnt food?
Given the disturbing remarks I witnessed on social media, where some people justified violence against women based on flawed interpretations of the data from KDHS, it’s important to emphasise that no justification exists for such atrocities. Such archaic arguments belong to a different century.
Merely because a traumatised victim, intimately acquainted with terror, fails to condemn it does not legitimise its presence. These women grapple with complex relationships with their own stories, unable to articulate their suffering in a society deeply entrenched in these harmful norms. And we need to play our role in ensuring that people know these actions are abnormal.
The first step towards breaking this vicious cycle is speaking out, especially on behalf of those who cannot advocate for themselves.
In the poignant words of Kofi Annan, our progress towards equality, development, and peace falters as long as violence against women persists.
The writer comments on social and gender topics (@FaithOneya; [email protected])
