‘Able’ Kenya can host 2027 Afcon opener and final as Tanzanians cheer

The easiest way to qualify for Africa Cup of Nations is to host it, and on that front we have won. A clap for Harambee Stars? Anyway, before the joy of celebration dies down and we have to entertain those stone-faced CAF inspectors, let us dispel a few stereotypes and make a few clarifications for the benefit of the doubters.

First, forget all you have heard about Kenya. Except, of course, that this is a beautiful country. That, we are. What we are not, is a corrupt country.

Okay, okay, we once were, if you consider our high listing on the Most Corrupt Countries index, but that was mere misrepresentation of facts by foreigners who don’t wish us well.

What they call corruption, in our language, we call ‘exchanging favours’.  And that exchange is both necessary and important because it facilitates faster distribution of public money.

Well, the distribution is problematic because it seems to favour only a few who already have wealth and power, but that is something we can fix before we welcome Africa in 2027.

In fact, we shall soon pass a law to compel those in charge to eat responsibly, so that they don’t vomit all over everyone else’s shoes. I know you understand what I’m saying because you’ve read Michela Wrong’s book  It’s Our Time to Eat.

When the construction of the stadiums begins proper, expect to hear some weird words like ‘‘tenderpreneurs’’ and a few cases of exchanging favours, which some may call ‘‘scandals’’. Don’t worry, that is normal. In Kenya, no project really starts until someone has eaten to their fill. Presiding over grand projects on an empty stomach can’t be healthy, can it?

Anyway, ignore those who say that we have trouble staying within the law and we disregard the constitution whenever we feel like, because that is untrue. We don’t enjoy bending the law, it’s just that the law bends elaborately around our thoughts, ideas and intentions. And we act based on that dalliance.

Don’t give ear to those who say that the only sport Kenya can host is the Safari Rally where the requirement is bad roads. We also host polo sports (we have two world class polo pitches in Nairobi and Molo), and rowing (Lake Victoria).

And do not worry about the state of our economy. We are not choking under ever increasing taxes and neither are we knee deep in debt.

Money is in plenty here and all we need to do is make new budgetary allocations. We are told that Cameroon spent $885 million to host last year’s Afcon, and that we need to make a deposit of about Sh13 billion to CAF as soon as possible. Not a problem.

Whatever they want, the Kenyan government has agreed to provide. Are we worried about paying more taxes to fund the Afcon stadiums? Why should we.

And let’s not waste time arguing about who will host the opening and closing matches. Kenya will host those two key matches.

Because once KDF delivers on the four stadiums (have you seen the impressions?), and then the stadiums in Nambole and Dar es Salaam can be converted into training grounds for the participating teams.

They can also host some concerts, with Kaligraph Jones being the headline act. I’m sure Tanzanians will love that, yes?

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