Silent burden the youth carry during Christmas
During Christmas, we are supposed to slow down, reconnect, and reminisce on what truly matters with our loved ones.
Every December, buses, matatus, trains, and sometimes rental cars fill up with young people returning to their rural homes from campus, entry-level jobs, internships, self-employment, and other “hustles” they’ve engaged in during the year. On the surface, it appears to be a joyful migration, but for most youth, the journey back home carries a silent weight.
Christmas is supposed to be the one time of the year when we slow down long enough to breathe, reconnect, and reminisce on what truly matters with our loved ones. Yet, for many young people, it is a time to brace themselves for a “performance audit” from close relatives.
“Ulipata kazi?” (Did you get a job?), “Mchele tunakula lini?” (When are you getting married?), and to the newly-married, “Mko na habari njema?” (Are we expecting a child?).
These are seldom innocent questions. They are expectations disguised as curiosity or concern. Benchmarks we expect them to meet regardless of the realities they face. Unknowingly, we add on to their stress, anxiety, guilt, shame, and depressive symptoms, among other internal struggles they deal with daily.
Across the world, research shows that the holiday season heightens stress, anxiety, and loneliness. A 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association found that nine out of 10 people experience holiday stress, with financial pressure, family expectations, and societal demands topping the list of triggers.
Competitive job opportunities
While our cultural context is different, the triggers are familiar, especially for young people navigating uncertain futures.
Many Kenyan youths are entering the holiday season wounded after a long, demanding year that yielded very little in return. A 2024 survey by Oxfarm Kenya shows the cost of living remains high due to increased taxes and wage pressure. Worse, we have 15.1 million youth fighting for the few and fiercely competitive job opportunities available, according to data by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics.
Exacerbating the problem is that a university degree no longer guarantees employment, and even the few who find work often have to grapple with low pay, delayed salaries, or uncertain contracts. Add this to the lecturers’ strikes, unstable school calendars and harsh economic realities, it becomes clear that our young people are barely getting by.
When our young people come back home for Christmas, they deserve a break, not a silent audit of their worth. What parents, aunties, uncles, neighbours, village elders, and clergy see as casual questions of concern often land as criticism. As psychologists report, these pressures, though often unintentional, have dire psychological consequences.
Many young people begin to believe that they are disappointing everyone because they are not achieving “fast enough”. Social media pressure further exacerbates these toxic feelings. Young people see endless images of peers who appear more successful, polished, and with enough cash to spend exorbitantly during the festivities.
Peer comparison
If Christmas is going to have its intended meaning of celebration and reuniting with loved ones, then we need to move beyond the casual interrogation, unsolicited advice, and the peer comparison often offered as “encouragement”. We need to realise that not all young people will pick up financially at the same time. Not all children will return home with straight As. Not all young women want to get married at 25. Not all newly-married couples are ready for children. Pressing them with our expectations only deepens their silent wounds and personal struggles.
As a society, we need to see our young people aside from their achievements, mistakes, or bank accounts. More so, we need to realise that times have changed. Our young people are navigating economic realities that are worlds apart from those their parents faced.
Instead of lecturing them on their “failures”, how about we affirm their small wins? Instead of asking, “Why haven't you found a job yet?”, ask how they are adjusting to the year’s economic realities. Acknowledge their difficulty of studying during the prolonged strikes, or even the emotional toll of job-hunting in an economy that feels like getting water out of a stone. Instead of comparing them with their well-off siblings or that successful neighbour’s child, simply make them feel welcome at home, and let them know you are happy they could make it.
Happy holidays!
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The writer is the Executive Director of America-based YouthRoots. [email protected]
