The hustler government takes this earliest opportunity to urge members of the opposition to climb down from their angry demands and consider having a cold shower, instead.
We also wish to encourage opposition MPs to ignore incessant calls for them to dissolve their seats and face their voters again on the UDA Party if they’re men enough.
As far as we know, State House isn’t a gazetted cultural ground where men undergo rites of passage to become men enough.
The Office of the President is aware of media reports accusing our Chief Hustler of turning State House into a marketplace for opposition MPs to harvest from where they did not plough.
While we can neither confirm nor deny that State House has contracted the services of an auctioneering firm specialising in disposing of political goods, we have since requested our official photographer to blur the faces of those coming in for asset disposal; because security experts have reminded us that taking photos of State House is still prohibited.
