How your relationships will change after your 20s

The 20 to 30 age bracket is to many people, a period of trial and error. Most people land their first jobs during this period, many move out of their parents’ homes, and start dating seriously.

Young and restless

Most young people who start experimenting with love kiss the majority of their frogs here. On the flip-side, the 20s going to 30 provide the best space for individuals to mature personally and in the manner they approach and handle love and relationships. Although it is possible to mature at a young age, maturity in relationships remains one of the missing pieces in the puzzle of successful relationships. Unrequited love and boundless romance that comes with young and restless love can cause you to condone physical, emotional, and mental abuse. But if immaturity goes past 30, there is the risk of future relationships following the same restless script, including repeating the mistakes you did in your 20s.

The growth

If you compare your current likes and dislikes in dating to what you prioritised during your early, mid, or late twenties, you will notice an evolution. For instance, unlike before, you will tend to pay more attention to details about your dates. You will also become pickier and honest about your preferences. Maturity in love often comes with less tolerance for immature behaviour. As you mature, your values, interests, and choices also change. “You become good at identifying lies, marking your ground, and standing by your non-negotiable traits. You know what you want, what matters to you, and what you have no time for,” says relationships counselor Elizabeth Mwihaki.

Chemistry and intimacy

According to psychologist Dr. Chris Hart, as you mature, you will realise having great chemistry with a potential partner will not necessarily translate into a steamy bedroom affair. Great communication will not always mean that your bodies and energies will be synchronised. You may not get intimate with someone unless you’re sure and ready to do so, you will know what you want from intimacy and how to get it. Not just because you seem compatible, or because your stars suggest you were made for each other.

The needs

Interestingly, according to Dr. Hart, although you might have enjoyed dating in your twenties, once your needs and wants mature and change, you tend to go for a partner with stability, with whom you have a spark. “You may still feel not ready to commit, but you will want to be with someone who has their life together, who is responsible and reliable,” he says. This implies that you won’t waste your time standing at the bus station waiting for a knight in shining armour to give you butterflies when you have someone who can complement your career, raise a family with you, and accelerate your growth and the development of your retirement buffer zone.

Perspectives

If you’re already in a relationship, one of the key tell-tale signs that both you and your partner have matured is the ability to call out your partner, and comfortably accommodate his opposition to some of your choices and ideals. According to Mwihaki, by this point, you have learned that you don’t always have to cave into bad decisions and choices in the name of submission or respect. You are able to bring out new views or ideas that possibly go against your partner’s without fear.

Personal responsibility

According to Ms. Mwihaki, you will also need to have learned that you are solely responsible for the direction your life takes, your happiness, your problems, and your mistakes. “Your happiness or success will not depend on the presence of your partner in the relationship or his availability. Neither will you need to wait on them to fix or panel-beat you,” she says. Similarly, you’ll realise that you don’t need to prove, defend, or make excuses for yourself.