Our minds frequently convince us of things that aren’t actually true. They’re called cognitive distortions. And they’re hard to recognise, because they always feel like that’s just the way things are.
We all have such distortions to some degree, and they generally make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
Your emotions seem real, so anxious feelings mean there’s a real danger out there. Even when actually there isn’t. Thoughts like this lead to obsessive compulsions, like checking the door several times even though you know you locked it. You probably focus on negatives and discard positives. Ignoring kind words, while obsessing over one critical comment.
Maybe you’re a perfectionist, and feel a loser over one trivial mistake. Or when something bad happens, you expect it to continue forever. Or you build insignificant events into the worst possible outcome. So one poor mark means you’ll flunk the entire course.
You’re sure you know what other people are feeling. You probably don’t. You probably also focus on signs of social rejection. So you instantly think a yawn means someone’s not interested in you, when actually they were up late last night.
Entitlement fallacies mean you think that the rules don’t apply to you. So you’re fine with not waiting your turn in a traffic queue.
You might also hold false beliefs despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Perhaps rejecting data on global warming, or believing you’re overweight when you’re not. Or you expect that other people will do what you want if you just pressure them enough. So you nag even harder trying to get your partner to change.
Recognise any of these? Then you should try to change them, because cognitive distortions can really mess up your life. But it’s difficult, and takes lots of effort and practice.
Though even just asking yourself whether a thought might be wrong will help. So will collecting evidence against it. Or evaluating a mistake on a scale of 0-10 to avoid catastrophising. Or identifying external factors that might have contributed to your problem. But sometimes cognitive distortions can really get you down. If that’s you, then consider consulting a counsellor.
