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Cognitive distortion and how you can overcome it
Your emotions seem real, so anxious feelings mean there’s a real danger out there.
Our minds frequently convince us of things that aren’t actually true. They’re called cognitive distortions. And they’re hard to recognise, because they always feel like that’s just the way things are.
We all have such distortions to some degree, and they generally make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
For example, you almost certainly over personalise. Which means you hate the driver who cut you up, because you think he had it in for you. But actually he didn’t even see you. You think your successes result from your ability, while your failures are outside your control. So good marks mean you’re intelligent, but bad grades mean you have a bad teacher.
Your emotions seem real, so anxious feelings mean there’s a real danger out there. Even when actually there isn’t. Thoughts like this lead to obsessive compulsions, like checking the door several times even though you know you locked it. You probably focus on negatives and discard positives. Ignoring kind words, while obsessing over one critical comment.
Maybe you’re a perfectionist, and feel a loser over one trivial mistake. Or when something bad happens, you expect it to continue forever. Or you build insignificant events into the worst possible outcome. So one poor mark means you’ll flunk the entire course.
You probably believe that feelings cause behaviour, but not the other way round. So you think ‘I’m too tired to exercise,’ but never ‘Exercising will give me more energy.’
You’re sure you know what other people are feeling. You probably don’t. You probably also focus on signs of social rejection. So you instantly think a yawn means someone’s not interested in you, when actually they were up late last night.
Entitlement fallacies mean you think that the rules don’t apply to you. So you’re fine with not waiting your turn in a traffic queue.
Sunk costs decision making means you throw more money at a failing business just because you’ve invested so much already.
You overvalue possessions just because they’re yours. So you’ll probably overprice your house when you put it up for sale.
You might also hold false beliefs despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Perhaps rejecting data on global warming, or believing you’re overweight when you’re not. Or you expect that other people will do what you want if you just pressure them enough. So you nag even harder trying to get your partner to change.
Recognise any of these? Then you should try to change them, because cognitive distortions can really mess up your life. But it’s difficult, and takes lots of effort and practice.
Though even just asking yourself whether a thought might be wrong will help. So will collecting evidence against it. Or evaluating a mistake on a scale of 0-10 to avoid catastrophising. Or identifying external factors that might have contributed to your problem. But sometimes cognitive distortions can really get you down. If that’s you, then consider consulting a counsellor.
