Ah, the annual office Christmas party -a time for ugly sweaters, Secret Santa exchanges, and awkwardly ‘bonding’ with your boss. But let’s be honest, for many of us, it’s also the stage for the most scandalous, hilarious, and cringe-worthy moments that will be fodder for office chats for years. There are ill-advised karaoke performances, the accidental confessions, and even getting caught in compromising positions.
End year Christmas parties feel incomplete without a proper scandal to shock or amuse people right into the new year. What happens at the office party should stay at the office party, right? Except, some moments are so outrageous, they deserve to be shared. So grab a cup of cocoa (alcohol is right in the middle of all these stories) and settle in, because here’s what happens when professional boundaries take a sleigh ride out the window.
Film the car scene
In 2013, Ed, an Assistant Director in the film industry, had just wrapped a particularly exhausting TV project when the producers decided to surprise the crew with a wrap party. Alcohol was in great supply and Ed finally got the courage to hit on a production assistant he had been eyeing throughout the project.
It turned out that the assistant had also taken a liking to him.
‘Toka ndani! Toka ndani! Watu wakubwa mnaona parking ni lodging?’
“We got chatting, and the conversation was getting flirty,” Ed said. “One of the crew members came, dropped his car keys in my hand, and whispered, “Go talk in the car, don’t waste this last day”. Then he left to mingle with others without looking back.”
Ed and the production assistant looked at each other and laughed.
“I told her I’d leave first to locate the car, and so that others would not be suspicious. She followed a few minutes later and joined me in the back seat. Things obviously got steamy. So steamy that we both did not notice that there was a security guy recording us on his phone. He startled us when he tapped the window and shouted ‘Toka ndani! Toka ndani! Watu wakubwa mnaona parking ni lodging?’
He was so loud that the other security officers came to see what was happening. And since I could not drive away in someone else’s car, we had to step out of the vehicle and head back into the hotel while being jeered. I begged him to delete the video, but I can’t help thinking he might have kept it for his personal entertainment.”
HR secrets out loud
The Human Resources department is one of the most sensitive departments in any organisation. It holds a lot of personal information, from finances, to home issues that employees might be facing. In 2022, Alice a banker experienced an uncomfortable situation at her Christmas party.
“Okay, so this is not something I did, but happened to one of my colleagues,” Alice said. “You know the way HR is a very confidential department? A few years ago, we had the most memorable Christmas party and our HR assistant, Caro drowned confidentiality at the bottom of the bottle.”
The human resources officer was still young at the time, barely out of her 20s. Everyone around was drinking and bantering, and it seems some of the banter got to her.
“So to win,” Alice said, “she started shouting things like, ‘Oh look at Brian! Driving a BMW but he asked the bank for a 90K loan! If you can’t maintain the vehicle, buy a Vitz bwana! Even you Lucy, you still owe us 7K. Nimelewa lakini memory iko sober!’
I am telling you the mood changed. People went silent, and some avoided eye contact with her in case she announced their personal matters.
Two years later, Alice says the human resources officer has not taken a sip of alcohol at any office event. She had to take a short course on workplace confidentiality. “But we still call her “Caro Megaphone” behind her back”, Alice said. We likened her announcing everyone's details in public to her being a megaphone.
The unforgettable love text
It is said that anything that makes it to the digital world can never be completely erased. The phrase ‘Brother Ocholla” has taken a definitive meaning in Kenyan lexicon. It refers to a person who sends a sensitive, usually x-rated message, to the wrong recipient. Something close to a ‘brother Ocholla’ moment happened to Nyambura, an accountant at an oil firm.
Years later, the joke still runs that I'm the only person who loves the boss.
“I was just one week into my new job, trying to keep my head down and make a good impression,” Nyambura said. “Then came the end-year party, and the moment that still haunts me. The MC was running a little dare game. He told us: “Text your mother ‘I love you’ right now and see what she says!”
Nyambura might have been a little too drunk, because she indeed typed out those words and sent the message –but not to her mother—but to her immediate boss!
“And I didn’t even realise what I had done until my boss came over to our table, smiled and said, ‘I think the MC said the message should go to your mother.’”
Nyambura quickly checked her phone and immediately sobered up. “I wanted to dig a hole and live there forever, but the damage was done. For context, he is not only married, but has one of those faces you call… “very personal” …the kind that only mothers appreciate. So you can imagine the jabs from very silly colleagues.
Years later, I left the company but the joke still runs that I'm the only person who loves the boss. It’s mortifying.”
The car keys heist
It seems like alcohol should be banned at office parties. Or maybe not, because it turns the most innocent chaps into sitcom-worthy characters.
In 2019, Nzinga was at a Christmas party that was going on fairly well, until a mid-level manager at the manufacturing firm decided to pull what he thought was the prank of the century: he hid the CEO’s phone and car keys.
The car keys prank.
“At first, no one noticed. But as the night wore on and the CEO started patting his pockets and asking, ‘Has anyone seen my phone and keys?’ things got tense. Even his personal assistant got involved and started frisking everyone who had come in contact with the CEO.”
Eventually, the manager stood up in fear and jingled the keys. What happened next was absolute chaos.
“My colleague, was already a few drinks deep and marched up to the prankster,” Nzinga said. “She started clapping right in his face: ‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ Meanwhile, another manager was off to the side, wailing like we were at a funeral. Alcohol!”
After getting back the keys and phone, the CEO got everyone a round of drinks to calm things down. “But that manager became very humble for the next six months in fear that he’d be fired or transferred to an area where your only friend is the sun and dust.”
Member on the table
Architects are known for creativity and precision in their work. There is always a method to the madness, and it seems one architect designed a particularly dubious scheme to land a big deal. And Achieng Atieno was unknowingly smack in the middle of it.
“Now, this one, very few people know. I work for an architectural firm, and a couple of years ago, we had a big end-year party at the office and invited a few important clients,” Achieng said.
Client goes rogue.
“Of course, alcohol was more than the food, so people got high and got dancing pretty fast. My immediate boss (a male) was chatting with a big client (may he rest in peace). The client was an old man that was known for his inappropriate language and behaviour. In fact, no female colleague ever allowed herself to be alone in the same room as him. Old, moneyed men can be uncouth!”
Long story short, Achieng’s boss disappeared with the client into a meeting room and called Achieng to join them. Achieng walked in and saw the old client in there, but it was a relaxed atmosphere and her boss was present, so she did not feel unsafe. “We talked about nothing, really. I was even wondering why I had been called from the party. Then the drama started.
Kumbe my boss was pimping me to the client for some deal. The old man unleashed his member and banged it softly on the table, saying in mother tongue, ‘this (insert vile mother tongue name) was given to me free from God. I’m so endowed so I will place it on the table we all see.’
Mark you he was over 60 years old. I vowed to never to drink with him again. My boss fled the room, and so did I.”
The mission failed.
Sexual fluidity
Sometimes end-year parties offer the perfect opportunity to get things off your chest and blame it on alcohol. The mood is light, people let loose, the music is often great, and people just want to enjoy themselves. The freedom is what got Eileen Nduta making a move on a junior manager at her firm.
I desperately hope that she doesn’t remember a thing.
“First, I have to clear the air that I am a very straight, very heterosexual woman,” Eileen said. “But a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, and women can be so beautiful that even us straight ones have to stare in awe.
So, I have this junior manager at work that is extremely beautiful. But she has one of those faces that are so serious you can’t approach her with nonsense. And I think her smile is mostly fake. You are even afraid of giving her compliments. But she has such sexy eyes and a very enormous backside. She is tall and always in heels. She’s a very intriguing woman.”
Two years ago at the office Christmas party, Eileen had just enough drinks to make her high and happy. She headed for the dance floor, but bumped into the junior manager. Eileen introduced herself and said she was having a really good time at the party.
“She responded pretty well, and then told me to accompany her to the washroom and back to the party. We danced a lot. I did that twirling thing with her and whispered a few compliments. I think I have lines, because she blushed and laughed so much!”
After dancing, the junior manager bought Eileen a big bottle of wine, then disappeared.
“I think she thinks I’m gay. We have never exchanged pleasantries in the office after that. It’s all business. At the back of my mind, I desperately hope that she doesn’t remember a thing.”
Caught of CCTV
Sometimes, events at Christmas parties get a little too scandalous for comfort. So scandalous that they can result in lawsuits or loss of income.
Oops! Camera was rolling.
“In 2021, we were closing the year with a nice Christmas party,” Kweya Juma, a quantity surveyor in Nairobi, said. “My boss –the Operations Manager- had been eyeing this cute intern for a while. He got tipsy and cornered her and tried his lines. I’m not sure what he was saying, but she looked extremely uncomfortable. He eventually tried dancing with her, and that is when she managed to slip away.”
The whole time, the Human Resources manager had been watching the on goings keenly. It was well-known that the two managers did not see eye to eye, but no one knew the source of the conflict.
The next morning, there was a major meeting at work.
“My boss was about to get suspended for sexual harassment but he was fighting back. He denied having done anything inappropriate and claimed it was witch-hunt. He would have gotten away with it, except there was CCTV footage that showed him groping the intern. And that’s how he lost his six-figure income. It was either that, or a lawsuit. I often wonder what he told his wife.”
It’s the season for end-year office parties now, and someone is about to get into trouble. Stay safe, stay legal, and don’t be afraid to be a little scandalous. You can always say ‘New year, new me’ when the next year begins.
