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Women, don’t announce a man before marriage
Do not give your goods to anyone—not your body, not titles, not your reputation.
What you need to know:
- The cheat code is never to announce a man until he has gone the whole distance of marrying you.
- A man posting you on his social media is an act of possession or telling other men to keep off his food.
Hello Zulu,
I feel like my boyfriend of four years is just wasting my time. I am 31 years old, and he is 33. We catch up on weekends since we work in different towns. I know most of his family members, whom he introduced me to. He says we will meet my parents soon, which has taken ages. Is there any hope here? I also notice he often flirts with women but claims he's only joking. Over these four years, I’ve lost my male friends; for now, he's the only man I know.
Sometimes, the person you're calling your boyfriend is the reason you'll never get married on time.
Whoever you're calling your lover might be the weapon formed against you, to prevent you from succeeding. You should never allow people to draw you out of the race and commit you to things that never graduate or mature.
There's no loyalty in remaining loyal to something that was supposed to grow into a happy marriage, but it has become a dizzying whirlwind. It doesn't matter how many years you've already invested in it. That delay and reluctance are proof that you're with the wrong person. Putting more time in won't change that.
Neither should you push them to officiate because the union will be as unstable and frustrating as the relationship. In other words, being too loyal to a boyfriend will stop you from finding your husband.
Of all the mistakes you'll make as a woman, never publicly announce to the public that you have a boyfriend.
That's one reason many women never get married, because what the world hears when you say that is, 'This is the man I'm currently sleeping with.' And this makes you look like you're taken, or worse, 'used goods.' The cheat code is never to announce a man until he has gone the whole distance of marrying you.
A relationship is an unrealised goal; we don't usually announce unrealised goals. Leave those types of mistakes to novices and those who don't understand the game of life or the fate of women.
It's actually harder to make one dollar than it is to get a man. To make a dollar, you may need to put in some effort. But to get a man? Just respond to one inbox or remove a contact from your block list.
You wouldn't announce to the world that you have made one dollar and feel rich, would you? So, why are you announcing something cheaper than a dollar?
A man posting you on his social media is an act of possession or telling other men to keep off his food. But you announcing him? That's just giving recognition to someone who hasn't earned it yet.
Always remember that you're not in the same place as men socially. Not by a long shot. A man having a girlfriend or wife boosts his social status and opens doors for him. For you, a boyfriend closes doors. It disappoints other men when you say you're taken. So you should only say it when you're actually taken.
This is the point: stop giving titles to enquiries. When operating your business, do you give your goods to every customer enquiring? No. You wait until someone pays the price. Do the same in your dating. Everything before marriage is an enquiry. Never take it too seriously. Attend to them all. Date them all.
Do not give your goods to anyone—not your body, not titles, not your reputation. Your choice now is between a breakup and a divorce. A breakup that leaves you with the chance to restart quickly and recover lost time, or a divorce that will alter your life for good and for the worse.
And if, after you leave, they come after you asking to get married right away, run away even more. Energy doesn't lie, and the same laxity and familiarity will return. They have not changed. They're just regretting losing you. Again, keep your goals low-key until they're permanent, including relationships.
It's a good idea to always marinate your goals and only surprise the world with the outcome. It's easier for the world to scatter your relationship with gossip than it is to scatter you when you're legally wedded.
