Isn’t it lovely when small children are polite and well behaved? Your children can be like that. Teaching them politeness and kindness just takes a little time and patience.
But you must start early, and always consistently show your children polite behavior. Because it’s hearing you saying ‘Please pass the…’ at the dinner table that tells your children what’s expected of them.
Let them see you being polite to others, such as visitors, neighbors, and the waiter in the coffee shop.
And be polite to your children! You’ll probably also have to be tough with them, and quite often. But even then be civil! Make being polite a rule in your home because good behaviour and politeness are learned by experiencing them. It’s not enough to tell your children to be nice, you also have to demonstrate polite words and actions. Even in difficult moments.
Do a little teaching in every social situation that includes your children. Use good manners, point out what you’re doing, and encourage them to do the same, right from when they’re small, so that words like ‘thank you’ become an automatic response to being given something, whether it’s a present or just a snack.
Explain that saying ‘thank you’ is how you show that you’re grateful for something. And that saying ‘please’ means that people are more likely to help you in future.
Show your pleasure when your children use the correct words. And resist scolding them when they don’t. Instead point out what they should have said and move on. It’s your example that really counts, and they’ll soon catch on.
Initially they’ll only use polite words by rote. But gradually, they’ll come to understand the meaning behind them. Gently introduce more complex phrases like ‘excuse me,’ and ‘would you mind…’ and show them how their tone of voice, eye contact and gestures add more to polite words.
It’s not enough to teach them to use the right words. You also want them to become genuinely good people. But most children say that their parents care more about their school grades than whether they’re good human beings!
Teaching them to share is a good place to start. And as you’ve probably noticed, it doesn’t come naturally! But if you constantly set a good example, they will learn. So, if you’re snacking on something, offer your children some. When you’re sharing something as a family, draw attention to what you’re doing ‘I love it when we share a meal together.’
Show your children that sharing is fun and not always about possessions. You could be sharing a story, playing a game, or cooking together. Say how nice it was to share that activity. Use the word ‘share’ often because the more often your children hear the word, the sooner it becomes second nature.
And gradually they’ll come to understand that sharing, kindness, and consideration are how good friends support one another, and become part of who we are.
