A powerful woman doesn’t need to shrink to be loved; she needs to choose a love that can handle her power.
Hi Zulu,
I am 33 years old and dating a 36-year-old man. I earn almost twice as much as he does. Will this marriage work? I am a little hesitant. Please help.
Dear Reader,
If you are a high-income woman or plan to become one, your options in relationships are limited. You must find a man who earns more than you. Period.
People have been asking whether a marriage can work when the woman earns better, and the question is, why does she earn more?
If it were a seasonal variation or she only earned a few dollars on top of him, that would not be very important. But a woman making a significantly higher amount than the man, like twice his income and for a prolonged period? This is a different story.
This is not a coincidence. Money reflects mindset.
You are earning better because you execute better. You plan better. You lead better. You risk and dare better.
It means you have a higher capacity than he does. And therein is the problem. How can you be led by a man whom you outperform mentally?
He will find your plans intimidating, and you will find his ideas mediocre. He will feel like you overstep him in your grand plans, while you feel like he holds you back. He will get jealous and eventually become resentful.
You will find it impossible to follow his lead because his plans are baby steps for you. You already outgrew that level years ago. You may not speak up, but you will feel silent contempt.
If you are a high-income woman or plan to become one, your options in relationships are limited.
For example, he will want you to build a small two-bedroom house. It’s economical and just enough for a family of two children. In your view, that’s ridiculous. You can’t fit in such a small space, let alone the fact that the neighbourhood you want doesn’t even allow that size of structures.
You know that with proper planning, you can do it and be settled for good, as opposed to building a smaller home and outgrowing it before you even settle there. You will also want better schools for the kids and bigger cars for the family in the spirit of providing a better quality of life.
For him, all that sounds like extravagance and unnecessary risk. You will say he’s too comfortable and laid back. He will say you’re uncooperative and a saboteur. None of you will be wrong. You’re just not fit for each other.
This is why premature commitments can be a disaster for high-achieving women. When you start dating early, the thing crumbles as soon as your career takes off. Driven women show a distinctive energy from childhood, and an informed observer can tell that you are destined to go far.
But since self-awareness is not taught in our schools, you conduct yourself like an average woman, thinking you’re being humble. You get children with the wrong man, and your first relationship or marriage becomes a total mess.
If you’re lucky, self-discovery arrives before too much damage has been done. For many women, they endure until mid-life when they’re forced to make a decision, or the man quits. By then, you will be managing a high-flying career that you find deeply fulfilling alongside investments and community projects that bubble out of you as naturally as a bee gathers honey.
A high-achieving woman needs a partner who sees her strength, not as a threat, but as a common purpose.
At home, though, your love life will be a dead shell or a drama series. Because society fears your type of woman, you will already be receiving accusations that you’re not submissive. To compensate and prove that you’re family-oriented, you’ll try to stick by people who aren’t built to handle your type of energy.
You will meet men with whom you rhyme perfectly, but since you’re committed elsewhere, you’ll brush off the idea that you’re misaligned.
Where did all this begin, and how can you prevent it in your life? It started with delayed self-discovery combined with premature commitments. The sooner you liberate yourself from fear of not fitting in and double down on self-mastery, the more peaceful your life will be.
If your teachers, mentors, or parents have repeatedly commented that you’re very gifted or you’re poised for leadership in society, take it seriously. Do not commit to anyone until you have established a clear vision for your life. Anything you do before you know yourself will become a complication in your life.
A powerful woman doesn’t need to shrink to be loved; she needs to choose a love that can handle her power. With interest, strategically positioning yourself, you will get your kind. Additionally, investing more in coaching would help shorten the searching period.
In conclusion, love must align with vision. A high-achieving woman needs a partner who sees her strength, not as a threat, but as a common purpose. When purpose meets alignment, peace and joy follow.
This is the time to turn a deaf ear to society, which tries to tell you that you have to compromise to find a partner. The very fact that you exist means that your type exists, too. God could not have made you, with your unique personality, and forgotten to create your mate as well.
Goodluck!
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