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Behaviour you shouldn’t put up with in a relationship
In good relationships you support each other’s dreams and ambitions.
What you need to know:
- If bad behaviour doesn’t improve after you’ve talked things through, then it probably never will.
- Don’t tolerate a partner who tries to control you, puts you down or repeatedly threatens to break up with you.
How do you know what’s normal in a relationship if you haven’t had many? Most of us start off with ideas and expectations about relationships from novels, films, the internet and friends, all of which tend to play up the drama. And some good and long-lasting relationships are intense and dramatic! But there are still some things you shouldn’t put up with.
So don’t be tempted to overlook bad behaviour, however excited you are about your new partner. Because if bad behaviour doesn’t improve after you’ve talked things through, then it probably never will. And life will gradually become miserable. For example, openness and honesty are the essential foundations for building trust in a relationship. So if your new partner is lying to you, you’ll never feel secure.
Continual cheating is also totally unacceptable. It’s possible to work through an insignificant infidelity and come out stronger than before. But only once. Cheating isn’t ‘normal,’ so don’t accept repeated or deep infidelities in your relationship.
Chronic bad sex
Emotional abuse is also not normal. So don’t tolerate a partner who tries to control you, puts you down, repeatedly threatens to break up with you, threatens to harm themselves if you leave, blames you for their problems, or just makes you feel bad.
It’s good to help one another out, like picking up the groceries on the way home or doing chores together. But don’t put up with a partner who constantly expects you to do everything. Or who neglects their career and expects you to foot the bills.
Chronic bad sex is also not normal. It could be there’s no chemistry between you, or you’re with a selfish partner who doesn’t care about your pleasure. Intimacy is essential to a good relationship, so if you can’t get it right, it’s better to move on.
You and your partner also need to be able to discuss getting married and having children at some point without any ultimatums, drama or sulking. And if you’re not on the same page? That’s a showstopper. And better to know sooner rather than later.
Celebrating your successes
You have to be able to discuss anything that’s important to you, so don’t tolerate a partner who shuts down every time you try to raise an issue, no matter how diplomatically.
All couples get mad sometimes. But if your partner’s frequently angry with you, then that isn’t normal. There’ll be times when an incident or your friends or family push your partner’s buttons. But if they’re getting angry all the time, you’re in trouble. At best you’ll be forever walking on eggshells.
At worst, you could get seriously hurt.
In good relationships you support each other’s dreams and ambitions, so don’t put up with someone who doesn’t have your back. Whether they simply show no interest in celebrating your successes, or actively discourage you from achieving your goals.
So be on the lookout for unacceptable behaviours like these as your relationship develops. And if they can’t be fixed, bail out.
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