Don’t feel guilty about it. Or look down on someone who’s gossiping. It’s all part of what makes us human
We have mixed feelings about gossip, including the social media, but it’s hard to stop yourself paying attention to the grapevine and passing tidbits on. And then feeling guilty, because we’re always being told not to spread rumours! But chattering has always been an important part of social life.
So, actually, we expect people to gossip and disapprove of anyone who doesn’t pass on information that might be important to us. Such as the latest office politics, or a hint that your spouse has started straying.
Gossip is also one of the ways we make sure everyone understands the rules of our group, and encourage each other to stick to them. And it helps us understand who to trust. Especially as gossip tends to come from several sources, and could be more valid that our own observations. So don’t feel guilty. Enjoy gossiping, and make your own contributions fun to listen to. But always stick to the truth.
So if you find yourself beginning a conversation with ‘Don’t tell anyone, but...’ or ‘I shouldn’t be saying this, but...’ then don’t pretend you don’t know what you’re doing! Gossip is always going to be repeated, sooner or later, particularly if it’s juicy or involves someone else’s relationship.
Especially a new one, or one that’s running into trouble. So if you’re not prepared to stand by something you’ve said, should you ever be challenged about it, then don’t say anything in the first place.
People have lots of different reasons for gossiping. Sometimes it’s just curiosity and wanting to know what’s going on. Or it might be that they want to feel ‘in’ with a particular group. Often, it’s a way of showing that we care about someone.
But always choose your gossiping partners with care. And try to avoid people who obviously just get high on the excitement and drama of it all, but don’t appear to have other people’s best interests at heart. Before long they’re the people who no-one trusts.
And be cautious about what you hear. Before you react to something new, whether it’s about yourself or someone else, make sure you think about where the information’s come from. More often than not, at least some of the details of what you have heard will be wrong. And think about the motivation of the person who is doing the gossiping. Their agenda may not be the same as yours. And who can resist a little exaggeration?
But don’t feel guilty about it. Or look down on someone who’s gossiping. It’s all part of what makes us human. In fact, it might even be the reason we invented language in the first place! Forget needing language to plan a hunt, avoid a predator, or tell others where to find food. Lots of animals can do stuff like that without ever having to use language. But if you want to spread rumours about each other, then you have to be able to talk!
