Train yourself to see the upside of every situation because rejection can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ll see small rejections everywhere if you go looking for them. Instead, watch for signs that you’re valued, and you’ll start noticing those instead
Rejection always feels bad, whether you’re trying to move on from ‘I’m not ready to be in a relationship’ or ‘We went with another candidate’.
There’s a reason these experiences sting so much. Just thinking about them activates the same part of your brain that responds to physical pain. Feeling rejected literally hurts.
And it’s an unavoidable part of life. It feels like it’s all about you, but rejection is really just part of everyone’s experience. There’s no way to make a failure hurt less, either, but it’s an experience you can grow from because you can change your mindset so that you stop dwelling on a rebuff. So that you feel more positive about yourself, and become more persevering and resilient.
Start by training yourself to see the upside of every situation because rejection can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ll see small rejections everywhere if you go looking for them. But if instead you watch for signs that you’re valued, you’ll start noticing those instead.
Like when someone takes hours to respond to a message, but they did reply eventually, didn’t they? So see the positive, and give it the same weight as the negative. Because there’s a difference between being rejected and feeling rejected. So ask yourself whether you’re interpreting the situation correctly. Maybe that reply was delayed because they were busy? Or your communication styles are different. So were you really getting rejected, or was the response just a bit less enthusiastic than you expected?
Criticism at work or getting dumped by a date will feel terrible if your job or that relationship was your whole world. So expand how you think about yourself and place more emphasis on the other things in your life that matter to you. Then when you experience rejection, you’ll have plenty of other things to focus on, and a no won’t feel like a threat to your whole identity.
Some friends always seem to leave you feeling down, so instead, focus your energy on the people who appreciate you, because having a stronger relationship network will help you handle rejection better. That’s part of the reason why older people tend to worry less about it. Because their friendships feel more stable and so ‘outside rejections hurt less.
If you read rejection into even the smallest experiences, it’s worth thinking back to how you felt as a child. Because an unpredictable upbringing has an implicit rejection built into it, which can turn into a lifelong sensitivity.
Maybe your friend didn’t laugh at your joke, maybe your date had to cancel, maybe a colleague disagreed with you. Small downers, really, but you spun your version of what’s happening into a big deal. Just being aware that you’re especially sensitive to rejection makes it easier to cope.
Think too about the unique traits that make you who you are. You’ll feel more confident whenever you think about them, and rejection will become easier to cope with.
