You’d be surprised by how many young married couples are already unhappy together. Because after the first flush of enthusiasm and passion, newly weds can gradually get overwhelmed by the never ending demands of work, family and children. And so they start slipping down the road towards divorce.
Maybe you’ve not reached that point yet. Deep down you know you still love one another though your relationship is wearing a bit thin. So, don’t give up too easily. Instead, think about what’s going wrong in your relationship and start doing some repairs.
The areas where things usually start falling apart first are communications, conflicts and goals.
Like do you still really talk to each other? And kiss and cuddle? Are you as emotionally close as you once were? At the beginning of your relationship, chances are you spent endless hours just fondly talking. But later on, all sorts of things get in the way. Children, parents, friends, work, you name it. Suddenly, you’re always too busy for one another. If that’s happening to you, it’s important you make time to talk amorously together again. And the harder that seems, the more urgent it is to get started. Even 30 minutes a day makes all the difference.
Conflict is also inevitable in every relationship. It’s how you argue that matters! Like do issues get resolved, or are they always bubbling away just under the surface? Do you find yourselves blaming each other when things go wrong? Every discussion is full of criticism and defensiveness? Is it all angry shouting and hurt feelings?
So, think about how you currently try to resolve disputes and discuss together how you might find a more productive approach. A good start would be to avoid ambushes. Both of you will respond better if you’re given a day or so to prepare for a difficult discussion. Especially if you fix a time to talk when you’re not hungry, tired or even slightly drunk! Best of all, if you haven’t got a discussion scheduled, then you can stop walking on eggshells and just enjoy each other’s company. And if something new does come up? Fix a time to discuss it and then go back to enjoying yourselves!
It’s also likely that you and your partner’s goals have changed without you noticing. Especially as your careers developed, the children came along, or you developed new interests and acquired new friends and responsibilities. That’s no bad thing, of course, so long as you’re both aware of how your ideas are changing. So constantly talk about your hopes and plans for the future, stay abreast of each other’s changing objectives and make sure you both recognise each other’s right to have different ambitions.
Better still, make them shared plans for your marriage and commit to helping each other to achieve them. Because if both you and your partner are doing your best to help each other reach your individual aspirations, then you’ll always be happy together.
