As I have always said, although Mwisho wa Lami has many “real men”, I am the only gentlemen around.
Fiolina, the pretty laugh of my envious, progressive life, is very lucky to have me as her husband, or as she calls me “hurby”.
Ok, let’s say she calls me hurby when things are nice and sweet, but Dre when things are tough.
And they have been tough of late. Very tough. As you know, certain masters of deceit (matapeli wa uwongo) and enemies of development started rumours that Fiolina could be the mother of Electina and Honda.
Thank God Mwisho wa Lami village has no shortage of fools, and I am definitely not one of them!
Although I have no evidence whatsoever, I can tell you here and now that nothing can be further from the truth.
People who believe that the two girls are Fiolina’s daughters are the same misguided fellows who believe that Branton is my son. Yet the evidence is there for all to see.
When Fiolina returned, we had a few cold days in the house. Which was strange between us because ever since we married we have lived a loving life.
Unlike many couples that went for Hornymoon once, I want to declare here that for us, every day if hornymoon.
And, unlike many love birds who celebrate Valentine’s Day, for Fiolina and I, everyday is Valentine’s.
As I was still thinking on the best way to express my deep love and awe for Fiolina, I remembered a great day to do it — Valentine’s.
You must be aware that I am the only man this side of the Sahara who knows about Valentine’s Day. And observes it.
Before many companies, radio stations and TV Stations started singing and talking about Valentine’s, I already knew about this day.
I even tried to sensitise other men about it in the hope that I could turn them into gentlemen. Fine gentlemen.
“Is it a public holiday? Shall we come to school,” asked Saphire when I asked him what he would do on Valentine’s.
I didn’t know what to answer him, although I later wondered what he would do on Valentine’s yet he had no lady friend.
“How do we do anything if it is not a holiday?” asked Kuya when I told them that it was not a holiday.
For me, the timing was good, for Valentine’s came shortly after Fiolina and I had handled the biggest storm our marriage had ever encountered.
A month earlier, I had received an invitation to attend the famous Men’s Conference, and there had been talk that I could even be one of the keynote speakers at the annual event — although I hade never attended any.
But five days to the day, I received an SMS cancellation. The SMS said that my invitation had been cancelled for “exhibiting umama tendencies”.
I was happy, for it gave me time to treat Fiolina on Valentine’s Day the way she deserved.
I woke up Friday morning and went to the kitchen. I prepared porridge, warmed some potato leftovers from the previous day and served her in the bedroom.
I had read somewhere that serving your wife breakfast in bed is the ultimate romance. And it worked.
Now, even though she had not been talking to me, she smiled as she took breakfast, and thanked me.
As soon as I arrived at school, I dispatched an SMS to her. “Happy Valentine Fio, the laugh of my life. May we keep laughing for the rest of our lives. From Dre, with Love. Xo xo xo.”
She responded almost immediately. “I lorve you very March hurby. When I think of you, I don’t think. Xo xo xo my daring hurby.” Love was in the air.
We texted each other several times that day. I asked her if I could take her out that day but she took long to respond.
After several other texts, I reminded her that I had asked her if I could take her out. She responded: “Kuna baridi nyingi sana, Please take me in, Baridi itaniua if we go out.”
It was Valentine’s Day and I was not going to let my wife walk, nor would I let another man pick her. I took her to Kasuku Hotel where I had made reservations.
Since the food was not ready, I ordered a Fanta for her and a Stoney Madiaba for myself, which we sipped as we waited for food and talked about our great future.
I was on my second Madiaba when the food came. There was ugali matumbo for Fiolina and Ugali Mlima for myself.
What a romantic meal that was! For those asking what Mlima is, only a visit at Kasuku Bar and Rest would help. Some things can’t be described.
We leisurely took the lunch, looking at each other in the eyes. We helped each other to eat — although I did much of the helping to eat her food.
I could see nothing but pure happiness and love in Fiolina’s eyes. After lunch, I asked for another Stoney Madiaba.
I led Fiolina to the field behind Kasuku Hotel. And stood at the Mango Tree. I asked Fiolina to close her eyes.
I dipped my hand into one of my Kaunda suit pockets and gave her something in a polythene bag. I asked her to open her eyes.
She opened her eyes and looked into the polythene bag. “Asante sana!” she exclaimed when she saw what it was I had bought her.
She was quite happy to see a red leso. “Thank you very much,” she said as she hugged me. I was very sure that I could never go wrong with a leso.
She spread the leso on the grass so that we could sit. Fiolina smiled sheepishly when she saw the message on the leso. It read: Dada ukipendwa pendeka.
We sat on the leso. I had talked to one of the waiters who brought us a Fanta for Fiolina and another Stoney Madiaba for me.
As we sipped the soda slowly, Fiolina thanked me for forgiving her, although she didn’t say how she had wronged me.
It was about 6pm when we left Kasuku Hotel, and walked slowly and romantically, holding hands. We used a route that took us round Mwisho wa Lami village.
