We all worry about the possibility that someone might hurt our children, especially via inappropriate messages, suggestive conversations, taking photos, touching or worse. Somewhere in all this are teens asking each other for nude pictures.
So how can you protect your children?
You can’t supervise them all the time of course, but you can still keep them safe by managing the hazards. And gradually teaching them how to manage themselves so they remain safe as they grow more independent.
Surprisingly, few abusers are strangers, despite our worries. Some are relatives. Many are themselves underage, including older siblings and playmates who may not realise that they’re doing anything wrong. The majority are known to the child but not related, such as friends, carers, coaches and so on.
Protecting tiny children is mostly about monitoring anyone who helps you with childcare. Take up references, make random visits and watch for anything that might suggest a problem.
As your children grow, make time to listen to them. Encourage them to tell you about their day and never give them a hard time about anything you’re hearing, or they’ll go quiet.
Make all of your children’s questions about sex feel just like routine conversations. Brief, honest and age-appropriate answers can be the difference between them telling you about an incident or keeping quiet.
Parents always assume that their children will tell them about problems, but most don’t. A disclosure usually starts with “mood testing” hints. Respond by giving your child your undivided attention. Put your face in neutral, be supportive, don’t deny the abuse or blame the child. Keep questions open-ended, and don’t ask suggestive ones.
Start teaching internet safety early; don’t imagine that they can’t get online, they have friends. Explain about never posting personal information or photographs. And if they become secretive about the internet, find out why.
As your children grow, always know where they are and who they’re with. Know their friends, especially older ones, and all the adults in your child’s life, like coaches. Watch how they interact with them.
Teach your children to look after themselves. Explain about avoiding dangerous situations and reacting assertively if they sense trouble.
Watch for anything outside of your child’s normal behaviour pattern, including anger outbursts, sleep problems, depression, anxiety, withdrawal, or a drop in grades.
Keep calm if you start getting suspicious. Get help right from the start, listen to your child, and remember that sexually abused children generally grow up to be fine, providing they have good family support.
Later on, your teenage children’s peers may approach them sexually, and their own rising interest could get them into trouble. So set and firmly monitor rules about where they go, who they’re with, curfews and contact information. Discuss with them what good relationships feel like, and also talk to your sons, not just your daughters!
