A young friend recently got her first child, a child that she had looked forward to since she learned that she was pregnant.
While most mothers focus on baby clothes, when she was merely four-months pregnant, she had already bought her unborn child a basketful of toys and even a baby walker, which I had, from experience, assured her was unnecessary. But new mothers-to-be don’t listen…
As you can imagine, when she finally welcomed her baby, she could not stop herself from talking about him all the time, and would whip out her phone and show anyone that asked how her child was his pictures.
When I got my first many years ago, like this friend, I was so excited, I tended to talk about my son a lot, and would also show anyone and everyone his many pictures if they showed the slightest interest in him. However, being a perceptive person, there’s something I quickly realised.
That most people, 99.9 per cent in fact, are just being polite when they ask after your child. They are not interested in knowing, for instance, that your child started weaning, had their first tooth, or took their first steps and said their first word. And they are certainly not interested in seeing the tons of baby pictures you have taken of your child.
And I am talking from experience. When I returned to work after maternity leave, one of my colleagues, a man, passed by my desk and politely asked how my child was. Nothing specific, just a general, ‘So how is your son doing?’ It is as if I had been waiting to get asked this question for years.
I gushed about how cute he was, how his gummy smile fascinated me, etc, etc. I then proceeded to show him the pictures I’d taken of him, and it is only much later, when I happened to look up, that I saw the bored expression on his face.
He could not wait to bolt, and could have kicked himself for passing by my desk had he been able to. After that, he was careful to avoid me, and would take the longer route to his desk, probably horrified that I would hold him hostage again and show him ‘cute’ photos of my son.
After that incident, even though my excitement remained, I was careful to only go on an overdrive about my child with only those people that I considered friends.
In a work setting after one returns from maternity leave, it is only good manners to ask that colleague how their newborn is doing, however, when you do this, you don’t expect a monologue that goes on for 30 minutes. Think about it. When you greet someone, ‘How are you?’’ you expect that person to simply answer, “I’m fine…’, not to go on and on about how not fine they are, how they are broke or sick, how miserable their marriage is, what a bad boss they have or how their teenage children are driving them up the wall. “How are you?” is a courteous greeting which has a standard answer.
People would be mortified if you took it as an invitation to tell your life’s story. The same goes, I believe, when people outside your family and friends circles ask after the child you recently got.
That said, and again I’m talking from experience, people that have had children understand this excitement, it’s called social bonding through shared experience, since they went through it, and would therefore be more patient when you unleash that endless baby album.
