Safara the salesman goes to write by the sea

I have been away the last couple of weeks because I was down by the sea, trying to get my book on salesmanship started – and for that you need peace of mind, which is very hard to find when you are a hustler in this Nairobi.

The idea came to me two Sundays ago when I was chilling in my flat, now that Mama Neo won’t let me see my little boy (Sundays were our ‘hang out’ days), watching a classic Will Smith movie called The Pursuit of Happyness (sic).

It is the true story of this black salesman called Chris who in 1981, invests his entire life savings in portable bone-density scanners, which he demonstrates to doctors and pitches as a handy improvement over standard X-rays. But while Chris can sell most of them, the time lag between the sales and his growing financial demands enrages his bitter and estranged wife, Linda, who works as a hotel maid. The economic instability increasingly erodes their marriage, despite caring for Christopher Jr, their soon-to-be five-year-old son.

While Chris is trying to sell one of the scanners, he meets Jay Twistle, a lead manager and partner for a huge stock brokerage firm in a shared taxi and impresses him by solving a Rubik’s Cube – but when Jay alights, Chris jumps off at the next traffic lights and flees as he doesn’t have the cab fare. However, Chris's new relationship with Jay earns him an interview to become an intern stockbroker.

The day before the interview, Chris grudgingly agrees to paint his apartment to postpone being evicted due to his difficulty in paying the rent. While painting, he is arrested by two cops for non-payment of parking tickets and has to spend the night in jail. Chris narrowly arrives at Dean Witter's office on time, albeit still in shabby clothes, covered in paint but still impresses the interviewers and lands a six-month unpaid internship, where only one of 20 interns will get a permanent paid job. Chris goes home to find his wife has moved out, leaving their son in his care.

With only $21 (Sh2,600) in his bank account after IRS (their KRA) snatches its back taxes, Chris and Christopher are homeless as a result, and are forced at one point to stay in a restroom at a train station. Other days, they spend nights at a homeless shelter or, if Chris manages to procure sufficient cash from selling a machine, at a cheap motel.

Although the story has a happy ending, I found myself in tears at several points watching it, as I completely saw myself and Neo in Chris and his little boy.

It also inspired me to try and be a millionaire within the next 10 to 20 years.

But where to begin?

The day after watching the movie, I was at Nuria Bookshop in town, speaking to its owner, Bualle, and noticed that his bookshop was full of books by local authors.

After some research, I realised that for a few tens of thousands of shillings, I could print my own book and sell each copy for double (or even triple) its printing cost.

The way Gardner invested in his machines, I decided to put in 50K into books.

‘Write about what you know best,’ I read from several sources on the internet.

Since salesmanship is my forte, I decided this is what my book will be about, and aimed squarely at our local market – after all, everyone is hawking something in this hustler’s city.

That night, I excitedly outlined the 10 areas that The Kenyan Salesman by Mike Safara would cover in chapters – Evaluating Industry Trends and the Competition, Identifying Sales Leads, Prioritising Sales Leads, Sales Pitches & Presentations, Questions and Listening Skills, Successful Closing of a Sale, Handling Customer Objections and Rejections, Maintaining Customer Relations and Your Social Media Presence.

As if the Universe was backing me up, now that I had found my purpose in life after months of aimless hustling here and there, Mr Zhang Li, the mall multi-millionaire of Gang Dong Mall, called me out of the blue the following day.

“Kalen, my daughter, got me ticket to go for five-day holiday in the Coastal,” he said.

“That’s good, sir,” I said, wondering why he was telling me this.

“I cannot go, Safa-la,” he added. “I am joining plesident delegation going Beijing. You want the ticket, you go for five days, Maikorrr?”

“Do Chinese cats like milk?” I asked, a big grin on my face.

“I wirr send collier (corier) to deliver ticket to you, Maikor,” he said. “Good day …”

“Have a fantastic and successful trip, sire Zhang,” I said. “Asante. Tena sana sana.”

Turns out the ‘ticket’ was actually a vacation voucher to be redeemed at a sunny seaside resort in Malindi, and, pardon the pun, I was over the moon.

I would get to start my ‘Salesman’ book there by the sea, like a proper author, and be done within 100 days, or 14 weeks, a chapter every 10 days – from Sunday September 8 to Sunday, December 22, 2024. It would be a Merry Xmas!

 The resort came with a vibe of the Mediterranean in Malindi, and combined a feel of both the cosy and the exotic within its Coastal ambience.

The General Manager there was a friend of the mall mandarin, Zhang Li, and set me up in a villa with a small warm swimming pool outside, lounge and comfy chairs plump with pillows, a poolside divan like a carriage, all in the shape of a giant cottage with big beds, carpet, writing chairs, a mini-bar and impeccable shower and bathroom space inside, with A/C to cool off that Malindi humidity. Instead of writing, I hung around there all day, like a lion contentedly staring into space after a full meal of zebra (in my case seafood like octopus) dozing there by the pool, as I took advantage of the ‘Spa and Wellness” centre to get deep tissue massage for my body that a Kioko told me was “full of tension.”

And although there are constant hotel shuttles to take clients in and out of the resort, for the Hustler it was a real treat on the few mornings there to take one of the quaint bikes, complete with a picnic basket, and ride it all the way up the Marine Park Drive to the main Casurina road. As I cycled up that road, with the side roads of Lagoon, the Tewa road junction, Mangrove Lane and Oyster roads, I noticed many deserted villas. “There are owners who left for (Italy) during Covid and didn’t return.”

I made a mental note – it is time for the Hustler to change tack and start selling villas.

For sure, with fat commissions, that will be a far faster way to millions than books.

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