From left: Robby Musuya, Alexander Karanu and Michelle Karimi. The three are planning to have solo dates on Valentines' Day.
For years, Valentine’s Day has been seen as a celebration for lovers, marked by red roses, candlelit dinners and public displays of romance. But for many single Kenyans, mostly in their 20s and 30, February 14 is no longer a reminder of what they lack. They are now planning solo dates, spending money and time on themselves.
They dress up, buy themselves gifts, book a dinner reservation in a nice restaurant, or go watch a movie, alone.
“Valentine’s Day is not just for couples. It’s a chance to celebrate all kinds of love, including self-love,” says Robby Musuya, who took herself on a solo Valentine’s date last year.
Robby Musuya says solo Valentines' Day dates are a deliberate act of self-love.
“I bought myself something special that I’d wanted for a long time. It reminded me that I don’t have to wait for someone else to do nice things for me,” she says, “it’s a healthy way to embrace your own company.”
Michelle Karimi says her decision to plan a solo Valentine’s date came after seeing someone document such an experience online.
“I saw a video of someone who had gone on a solo date, and I thought, that would be nice to do. Then I figured, why not do it on Valentine’s Day?,” she says.
This Saturday, she is planning on treating herself to a Valentine’s-themed nails and buying herself a bouquet of flowers.
Michelle Karimi says her decision to plan a solo Valentine’s date came after seeing someone document such an experience online.
“I might also buy myself a milkshake, or cake,” she says, adding that she plans to spend Sh2,500 on herself, money that she has saved.
With most people spending Valentine’s Day with their lovers, does she feel awkward doing it solo?
“I’m happy for people who get to celebrate with someone they love, and I’m genuinely happy spending the day by myself. Those two things can exist at once.”
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For Alexander Karanu, the idea of solo Valentine’s dates came from his love for eating out and exploring new cuisines.
“I love trying new cuisines, so going on a solo Valentine’s date didn’t feel strange; it felt natural.”
On his first solo Valentine’s date, he even played games alone.
“I had games on my phone, a physical card game, my colouring book and my journal. I was playing cards with myself, colouring and journaling. It was calm and experimental, and honestly, quite enjoyable,” he says.
Alexander Karanu says the idea of solo Valentine’s dates came from his love for eating out and exploring new cuisines.
But he acknowledges that solo Valentine’s Day celebrations can be also lonely.
“Part of you knows there could have been someone there with you, but you try to make the experience nice for yourself,” he says.
This Saturday, Mr Karanu is thinking of going to the park, ride a bike, and then go to a restaurant afterwards for his “favourite matcha drink”, a type of green tea that is gaining popularity in Nairobi.
“It’s about enjoying my own company. Love doesn’t have to come only from a partner. There’s self-love too,” he says.
Singlehood on the rise
Throughout the world, singlehood is on the rise, meaning these people are not married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship.
“Some women do not want permanent partners and are financially independent, while men increasingly fear the responsibilities of marriage,” Maurice Onyango, a sociology lecturer at Laikipia University says.
Mr Onyango notes that for some men, economic factors play a role in the rise of solo dates on Valentine’s Day.
“Going out with a partner, for instance, means additional expenses, and men often do not value social events like Valentine’s as much as women do,” he says.
He adds that some men may have multiple intimate relationships and prefer to avoid going out with one partner in public, while others simply remain single, either by choice or circumstance.
Women, he says, may choose to celebrate alone for personal freedom.
“Some women have partners they do not feel proud of or do not want their relationship publicised,” he says, adding that in some cases, people prefer relationships “without strings attached”, where the expectation of special attention on occasions like Valentine’s Day is minimised.
Solo travellers
Businesses are now paying more attention to these singletons, including tour agents and hoteliers who are planning trips for solo travellers and setting a table for one.
The proportion of unpartnered adults also varies by educational attainment and social status, meaning the more single people can afford to buy themselves expensive gifts, including solo holidays.
Sheti Luvuno, the founder of TangaTours.
Sheti Luvuno, founder of TangaTours in Nairobi, is among those serving the solo economy. She curates experiences for solo travellers.
“My clients know Valentine’s Day is not just for couples,” she says. “It’s a chance to celebrate all kinds of love, including self-love. They take time to pamper themselves.”
She admits that societal pressure used to make solo Valentine’s dates feel awkward, but perceptions have changed.
“A few years ago, I’d feel the pressure because couples were everywhere. But now, I think people are starting to understand that being single on Valentine’s is okay. The day ends eventually,” she says.
