Self-imposed isolation of teenagers from their families and friends is common as they transition from childhood to early adulthood. They can spend extended periods alone in their rooms or seated next to people and shutting out everyone.
This desire to pull away, according to psychologists, may arise from their desire for autonomy and the process of developing a personal identity. Other influences include fear of judgment, the feeling of being misunderstood, and anxiety.
So, what do teenagers think about this change?
Cindy Nkatha is a 19-year-old law student at the Catholic University of Eastern Africa in Nairobi. She is an avid user of both TikTok and Instagram (which are popular with people her age).
“When I don’t have next-day early mornings, I will be up scrolling my phone up to 2am, sometimes even later than that,” she says, joking that her biggest struggle is finding the right position to lie in while using her phone as it charges.
The internet, for her, is not just a thing on her phone; it is a space where she feels a great sense of belonging.
“I meet my peers and people with whom we share similar experiences and challenges in life. I feel more heard, more seen and more understood on these platforms,” she tells Lifestyle.
Cindy adds that while she can get crucial advice from her parents and older family members about the issues of life, the internet, or to be more specific, Instagram and TikTok, they do not view her through the same glasses of a person in constant need of guidance and counselling.
Cindy Nkatha during an interview about her internet usage in Ongata Rongai, Kajiado County, on April 29, 2025.
Photo credit: Bonface Bogita | Nation
“Older people will jump into advising teenagers even in situations where their advice is not needed in the immediate. This makes me feel like I am on this leash that I can’t disentangle myself from. On the internet, even though many times the connection is impersonal, there is always a channel through which I can express myself and experience the freedom it comes with, without attracting a strongly worded advice about my future and whatnot. The truth is, I am as concerned and as worried about my future as they are and I wish they’d know that,” she says.
“I don’t know how it was in the past, but I have been told that there used to be spaces for young people to meet, interact and play in estates. I feel like those spaces have been taken up by the walls people are building around themselves. By walls I mean both physical and personal boundaries that people erect around themselves.
“Everyone wants to mind their business and that of their family and circle. What then happens to the child growing up with the need to expand their network beyond the home? TikTok and Instagram, for example, present me with opportunities such as dance and challenges that I take part in. A challenge can be worldwide sometimes and this opens your eyes to other cultures and ways of doing things in other places of the world.”
“If I want to know which celebrity did what, what new song is trending, where to go for the next social event and just about anything that would pique my interest, I only need to scroll down my socials and it will be there even when I am not actively searching. It makes it easy for me to remain up to date with my interests,” she says.
At home, Cindy has isolated herself from the rest of the family, which has seen her run into problems with her parents. This isolation, she says, is seen as an act of annexation and an affront to her social skills, which she is quick to disabuse.
“I don’t want to completely separate myself from my family and friends by interacting with my connections on the internet. I don’t hate my family and I don’t want to be left to my own devices (she giggles). These connections are as important as the ones I already have. They are relatable. They are experiencing life at the same time as I am, meaning their losses and wins and all that’s in between are similar to mine. Would it be harmful to be in circles where you are best understood?”
She adds that this kind of support from her virtual “friendships” has helped her to navigate her teenage years with ease. It has also shown her the immense possibilities the internet offers.
“On these social platforms, I run my crotchet products business. All the skills involved in running the business, from crotcheting, to where to source the products, to how to fashion my passion into a profitable business, have been acquired from the community I am part of. It is not a waste of time and as bad an influence as it is considered,” she says.
On whether this isolation is addictive, Cindy says that for her, it was at first.
“When you sit alone for long, it becomes part of who you are and you kind of grow into it and get comfortable with not having real-life connections. But as I continue to grow, I now know where to draw the line between spending time alone and participating in family activities since both of them are an inseparable in today’s world. It is only harmful when you don’t know when to stop or how to create balance,” she explains.
Bradley Kimutai, 15, has been on Roblox for the last six years. On its official website, Roblox is described as the ultimate universe, which lets you create, share experiences and be anything you can imagine. It is what other people may refer to as an alternative universe.
The Grade Nine student has a gaming console in his room for Roblox and other games like Call of Duty, Fortnite and Luplox. He “earned” the console by performing well in school.
“It took me two years to convince my mother to set up the gaming console for me,” he lights up as he explains.
“I just went to the App Store on my phone, downloaded it and I started playing,” he tells Lifestyle.
“A game typically takes about one and a half hours to complete. This can stretch to 11pm or 12am. The latest I ever stayed up playing a game is a little past midnight,” he says.
With the expansive gadget catalogue at his disposal, isolation becomes inevitable. But, on the other side of the screen, as Bradley is quick to say, he has “friends” he talks to and plays against and he feels they are as real as the people around him.
“I play with and talk to people from other countries. The level of interaction with other people depends on the server you are on. The server I am on is built largely for competing and not chatting or building friendships, so maybe I don’t have as many friends as one would imagine, but I have regulars with whom we relate closely,” he says.
“I am very good at the games I play, you can see here (shows the screen) how highly ranked I am among my peers. I am undefeated and this makes me feel good about myself,” he says.
There is a shift in his voice as he says this. Something like excitement and great satisfaction. He is like a hero going home after winning a battle. And he has won many of those virtual battles if the accolades he has amassed for the last six years are anything to go by.
“Roblox allows me to take part in obbys,” he says. The term obby means obstacle in the gaming world. Thus the obbys Bradley is talking about, are hurdle games with multiple levels—from classic ones to story-based and tower-type.
“Winning these challenges is a sweet feeling. I get rewards that help me build my gaming character. There are different games within the Roblox environment that I play, like Bloxburg, Rivals, Arsenal and Jailbreak.”
These are the things that will keep him up at night and away from family for hours on end. His constant presence behind screens, he says, stimulates his mind to think better and faster.
“These games are not a waste of time. They help me build my problem-solving skills in math, my language and vocabulary bank and how to communicate with people,” he says as his eyes beam with pride while adding that gaming has given him confidence in life.
“When you win you feel good about yourself. You are a hero among your friends. This gives me confidence in the real world. My friends from school and here at home know me as the ultimate champion and this has earned me a lot of respect,” he says, beaming.
At the time of doing this interview, Bradley was preparing to go back to school after the short school holidays in April.
“Now, because I will be away from my gaming console, I have to maximise my time. I have to win as many games as I can because, in school, I don’t get to play. In school, I will train my focus on my studies so that when I am back home, I can indulge as much as I want,” he explains.
Bradley speaks with apostolic passion about his gaming. So, does this affect his performance in school or his relationship with his family?
“I have learned to create balance. When I started, I was continuously glued to my phone. This caused problems between my parents and I. I’d say I am better now at knowing when to stop and when to play,” he says.
There is no doubt that Roblox is where Bradley feels most alive, where, as he says, he experiences his grit the most. For him, it is not isolation from family just a time away from them to do what makes his heart most satisfied.
“You need to get off your phone,” is a statement Tamara Ainga Buyu, 19, has heard one too many times in her teenage years. Tamara is the lastborn in a family where all her siblings are adults. Her reclusive and shy personality does not help much.
Tamara Ainga Buyu is a 19 year old heavy internet user.
Photo credit: Pool
“I spend a lot of time on the internet, which rubs some members of my family the wrong way from time to time. I do not know how to relate to them because of our age differences. I feel like we don’t operate on a similar wavelength and, so many times, I waltz out of conversations that I feel I can’t relate to. For example, I am not too keen on politics, and this is a favourite for many old(er) people,” she says.
“It provides a safe space where I can freely interact with friends without the limitations of borders. I am naturally shy as well and my gadgets provide a good buffer to protect myself from the overexposure of physical interactions,” she says.
“These games provide a much-needed escape from all the human contact that is expected of me. I feel at home whenever I am scrolling down my screen,” she says.
On average, she spends between one and a half to two hours playing a single game. The thing that keeps her up at night is the thrill that comes with playing and talking to new friends.
“Overcoming the obbys is something I always look forward to doing,” she adds.
According to Tamara, it is akin to running a marathon or winning a treble in football; the feeling is inexplicable. And like in Bradley’s case, it creates in the player an thirst to keep playing and connecting with friends from across the world.
When she is not on Roblox, she burns the midnight oil on TikTok and Instagram.
“I’d say I am nocturnal if we are looking at my sleeping patterns,” she tells Lifestyle.
Deep into the night, you will find her swiping from one social network to the other. Here, she has built a family and “more solid connections”.
“I am more likely to meet a person I don’t know but whose understanding of the season I am in in life is admirable. You don’t get that a lot. The vibe here measures or equals mine. The energy is positive and accommodative. Plus, I don’t have to leave the house to meet these friends. Remember I operate on a very low social battery,” she says.
Tamara adds that it is on social media that she has had the chance to decipher complex life topics like mental health.
“I feel like my generation, who I interact with on these spaces, speak freely about anything. We are not afraid or as closeted as I find older people. I have been able to adequately discuss issues I feel are important to me as a young person but have been swept under the carpet because they are too taboo to talk about. For these reasons, you will find me spending more time alone, even though I am not alone in the strict sense of the word. I have people I talk to on the other side of the screen, sometimes across oceans,” she says.
Laura Selah, a psychologist and child mental health specialist based in Nairobi, views the internet as a canvass with two sides.
“It is difficult to straight-jacket the internet, be it social media or gaming sites, as a good or bad thing, especially when it comes to children and teenagers. Today, gadgets are their best friends and it is easy to see where this is coming from. We have homes with busy parents, pursuing careers, advancing their level of education, chasing fitness goals, etc. The easy way out is to get your child a gadget,” she says.
“Many parents have had to reprimand children, take away their gadgets and disconnect them from the internet. While this is a stop-gap measure, it is more of treating the symptoms rather than the main ailment,” she says.
“Children, like adults, are not spared on this. Excessive use of the internet for children can lead to impaired relationships, mental health issues and reduced physical activity, which may increase chances for sedentary lifestyle-related disease at a comparatively young age.” She adds that it may expose them to harmful content.
Child Mental Haven Phycologist Laura Selah pose for a photo at the care facility in Nairobi on March 19, 2025.
Photo credit: Lucy Wanjiru | Nation
Navigating this issue is something that should be collaboratively pursued by both the teenagers and their caregivers.
“Caregivers have a duty to not only protect their teenagers against harmful content and addictions on the internet, but to also to help them see the bigger picture. Firm-hand style of parenting is not effective and healthy anymore. Indulging them and painting the pros and cons clearly can help them in using the internet positively,” she tells Lifestyle.
