Is it still cheating if you don’t intend to start a relationship?

What do you do if you don’t want to leave your person? Like, you love them more than anyone, but there’s an invitation from another person to engage not in a relationship but just a romp in the sheets? This other person is more physically attractive than your partner but you don’t see a future where you’re not with your partner. Mind you, this is not an affair you’re starting, just a hit and run, to put it crudely. Also, does it mean you’ll develop a habit of cheating if you take this route?

READERS ADVICE

Accepting an invitation from someone you do not love and secretly leaving the person you love is blatant cheating. The physical attraction you are talking about will lead to entanglement and is likely to go on until you are caught, and at that point you will either leave the person you love or they will leave you. So, build your relationship or leave before you break your lover’s heart. No need for excuses.

Juma Felix

We all have our wild interests but knowing the difference between right and wrong makes us wiser. If you bow to physical attraction, you are likely to repeat the same in future with someone else as there will always be a more attractive person. Ignore such invitations as they’ll make you lose your self-pride and esteem. Show them you value yourself.

W Kagochi Kuira, Counselor, Nyeri

It is unnatural to love your partner but think about sleeping with someone else. People in relationships have fantasies, but they don’t always act on such carnal impulses. Cheating on your partner is unethical. It is a lazy and short term attempt to spice up your life. Instead of pursuing someone new, spark things up with your partner. Explore different lovemaking techniques to not only recreate the spark, but also save your relationship.

Fred Jausenge, Dubai-UAE

It is the desire of every woman to marry a good looking man with good complexion, height and muscles. Apart from this, women will get attracted to men who have intellectual capabilities and support them emotionally. The ups and down of life make the two genders desire partners who will be there mentally, financially, physically and emotionally. If a woman lacks full support, she won’t be stable in that relationship, so it doesn’t matter how tall or muscular you are, women need a person who can understand their feelings.

Caroline Kathure, sociologist and teacher, Tigania West, Meru

EXPERT’S TAKE

The word ‘cheating’ only refers to those who practise or subscribe to monogamy. In your case, you practice monogamy and have arrived at this stage because you have been lured by the thrill that comes with it. Humans will always seek out new adventures. There will always be a person who is more attractive than your partner. It now boils down to the consequences of indulging. If you visit a new restaurant and you happen to love the dish you picked from the menu, there is a high probability you will return for more, which for you translates to cheating. You need to ask yourself whether the perceived rewards are worth the risk of being found out. You should also establish what is missing in your current relationship that causes you to drift towards other pleasures.

Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I’m trying hard to meet the love of my life. I’m leveraging all my work connections, and my interests. But it’s just not happening. What am I missing? Clearly I’m missing something! But what is it?

Stallione

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