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Dilemma: I’m done with online dating, how do I meet someone in real life?
What you need to know:
- When you meet someone, it is important to get to know them by having a fun and casual relationship without unnecessary pressure and demands.
- If you make the potential feel trapped or rushed to commit, they may leave you after achieving their selfish goals.
- You can’t be shy and want to meet people.
Everyone says the internet is the way to find a date, but I have only had bad experiences with the men I’ve met there. I’d like to start meeting dates in real life, but I don’t really know how to do that especially in this age of technology! Also, I am a bit shy. How should I start?
No, the internet is not the way to find a date. That statement is wrong and that is why you have not found a serious partner. Forget the internet and go to social places. Being shy does not mean you can't establish friendships because it is the same friendships that will show you a serious person. There are several shy people like you who are in serious relationships and even marriages, so do not be too quick to force an excuse where there is an easy option of making things work for yourself.
Juma Felix
Perhaps some do, but not everyone says the internet is the way to find a date. Physical dating is by far better than internet. This is the only practical way to feel the natural connection and chemistry. The internet promises pure fantasy, no wonder you've had bad experiences. It is good you are ready to change your approach. It is okay to be shy, and it is normal to feel nervous. Confessing your feelings to someone can be nerve-wracking. Take your time, and when you're ready, be honest about your feelings. If you want to maintain some level of anonymity, consider writing a heartfelt letter or note expressing your feelings. This way, you can share your emotions without having to directly confront them. Try dropping subtle hints in conversation or through social media to gauge their interest. This can give you an idea of how they might react to your confession. Remember that their response might not be what you hope for. Be prepared to respect their decision, whether it's positive, negative, or neutral, and prioritise your own emotional well-being regardless of the outcome. Good luck.
D Mutunga, from the school of life
It has always been a puzzle to get the preferred partner. Many have been using trial and error only to end up jumping from one marriage to another or even deciding to remain single due to bad experiences. Even so, I cannot discourage you. We have good men out there waiting to hook up with good women. I advise you not to depend on social media for a hook-up, but package yourself well and wait on the Lord as you pray. You cannot gamble with marriage. As the Holy book puts it, every perfect gift is from the Father. I believe a marriage partner can be one of those gifts.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Senior Pastor in Mitume P.A.G Church, Kitale
FROM THE EXPERT
Whether you meet through an online platform or at a location that you perceive as “real life,” you will still meet the same pool of humans. Even meeting potentials at a church does not guarantee bliss. Online platforms are an advantage because you get to see a large pool of men compared to hoping to bump into your dream man. Look inward and ask yourself if your bad experiences are based on your impractical expectations. When you meet someone, it is important to get to know them by having a fun and casual relationship without unnecessary pressure and demands. If you make the potential feel trapped or rushed to commit, they may leave you after achieving their selfish goals. You can’t be shy and want to meet people. A man who is ready to commit at the drop of a hat does not exist. Making your dates feel like an interview for marriage will send them running for the hills.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
How can I handle power struggles in a relationship? My husband and I have three children but we are always fighting. I feel like he does things to deliberately humiliate and annoy me so I also do the same. We never go anywhere together nor discuss the progress of our lives. Intimacy is long gone, and I feel angry any time he tries to touch me. I have tried moving to a separate bedroom, but that hasn’t eased tensions in our house. Couples counselling hasn’t helped either. What can I do?
