I am married and have fallen in love with a man on social media
A woman in a dilemma.
What you need to know:
What you need to know:
- You and Mr. social media are pregnant with the excitement and lustful feelings of a new relationship
- Your dynamic is fueled further by the concept of the forbidden fruit
Hello, I am Lucy and 33. Four months ago I met a man on social media, and we speak at least once a day. It sounds quite ridiculous for me to say this, but we have fallen in love, even though we are both married to other people. He has three young children and I have two. Luckily he lives in another country, otherwise, I would have been tempted to meet up and embark on an affair.
My husband and I just don't communicate anymore, and every time I speak with this other extremely attentive man, who makes me feel wanted and desirable, it reinforces how bad my marriage has become. I know what I'm doing is wrong, as I do still have some feelings for my husband, plus I worry about messing up my children future if I was to embark on a new relationship, but I am struggling to give up the excitement I feel for my social media man.
What do you think I should do?
READERS ADVICE
As much as I understand the loneliness in marriage, I would not encourage you to meddle in another woman's union. It is dangerous and a sin to date a married person. Stay away from him and work out on salvaging your marriage. You may think the other man is good and end up getting disappointed when you have sunk in to the relationship. It will be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You can revive the love in your marriage.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Having an affair because of a boring marriage life is not a lasting solution. It only complicates matters considering there is no guarantee that it will be a smooth ride. You and your social media partner are lustful and looking for thrills outside your union. It might be rosy for now but the boredom and normalcy will settle in at some point. So whether you decide to entertain this man or not, remember it is easy to deal with a man you have known for some time than a social media stranger whose motives you don't understand.
Juma Felix
The emotions you have for this new man will end and you will be left with real-life to deal with. Then what next? You will have destroyed the foundation of your marriage. Your children will also be immensely affected.
If you still have feelings for your husband, then focus on him. "Mtaka yote hukosa yote." Men who get involved with married women don't want anything serious. He likes you only because you are married.
Social media is fake and everything you come across on the space is not real. This new man might be your next-door neighbour trying to mess with your marriage. Be wary.
Reignite the love with your husband. Find out at what point the rain started beating you. Do a self-evaluation to see what triggered a turn-off from your husband. The grass on the other side may look green but remember even a mirage cheats the eye. Sit down with your husband and talk. You may realise that some things are manageable when you talk about them with an open heart and mind.
EXPERT'S TAKE
You need to understand that once upon a time that excitement you speak of most likely existed between you and your husband. But with time the thrill got lost with the many variables of life and marriage. What keeps many couples together is the unwritten rule that you must stay together through thick and thin. Society and traditions stipulate that you must adhere to those social rules enforced by your marriage. People fall in and out of love all the time. You and Mr. social media are pregnant with the excitement and lustful feelings of a new relationship. Your dynamic is fueled further by the concept of the forbidden fruit. You are both filling a void that you lack at home with your respective partners. I highly doubt that something tangible would come out of you and him attempting to forge a relationship. Enjoy the thrills if you must but you should both remain in your marriages.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for two years. He was a virgin when we met. After about a year of dating, we had sex. I am 23 and he is 26. We used to have sex often, but now he is completely uninterested in anything sexual. I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore, although I haven't changed much since we started dating.
Other than sex, we have a great relationship. We don't fight, but it hurts my feelings that he doesn't want to want to be intimate with me anymore. What's do you think I should do?
Patricia
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