What women get from friends that they may not find from love

Let's be honest—we've been drowning in a culture that worships romantic love as the be-all and end-all. Our timelines are flooded with "My man, my man" declarations until we can barely breathe from all the pressure!

Yet tucked between these grand pronouncements, something truly magical happens when women gather. In the quiet corners of cafés, on WhatsApp groups that ping through the night, and during impromptu meetups—our female friendships silently become the bedrock that holds our lives together.

Beyond those Valentine's bouquets that wither by week's end, we women find in each other something that runs deeper than the deepest river—a sacred space where we can remove our makeup and our masks, where emotional nourishment flows as freely as tea at a Sunday family gathering.

Forget those overhyped overpriced dinner dates! Our friendship sessions turn ordinary afternoons into soul-healing therapy. We build each other's resilience not in lonely isolation but while sharing samosas and stories on lazy Saturdays. It's not just nice to have—it's as essential as that unga in your kitchen!

Cake and sip

Eunice Kamau, the CEO of Nakuru Cake Fairies alongside her close friend Sharon Moraa, both who are lawyers but turned to become professional bakers, co-host the Cake Dealers K.E. Podcast, an engaging platform where they bake and tell as they discuss all things cakes and baking.

This year, their passion for baking and appreciation for friendships led them to host a unique ‘Cake and Sip’ experience designed to bring women together to celebrate love, self-care, and meaningful friendships.

The idea for their event stemmed from their friendship and a desire to create a space for women to bond over a shared love for creativity and self-expression for each other.

“Oh wow. As a baker, I feel like the fact that we make cakes and we bake with love, dare I say, we are so involved with love. Love marinates us,” Eunice says.

“We felt the need to bring women together, especially now, with everything happening in Kenya—gender-based violence, societal pressures. We need to come back and rethink who we are outside of the other gender. It’s not about bias, it’s about rediscovering ourselves and reminding women that self-love is important,” she adds. 

Their ‘Cake and Sip’ event was inspired by the globally popular ‘Paint and Sip’ concept.

“We wanted it to be more than just cake decorating. So we incorporated games and icebreakers to help everyone interact. Whether you came with friends, sisters, or even your mom, we mixed everyone into groups to encourage the engagement. The goal was to create an atmosphere where women could laugh, bond, and share moments,” Sharon says.

“You just bring your creativity. The cakes and supplies are ready; all you do is decorate. Of course, we guide you, but it’s all about having fun, letting loose, and enjoying the process. We’re not looking for perfection, just an enjoyable, hands-on experience.” Eunice adds.

The event, which was priced at Sh3,500 per participant, included cake decoration, bitings, sangria, mocktails, and a whole lot of fun.

For both bakers, female friendships hold a special place in their hearts. “I love friendships. I adore them. I have always wanted a best friend, but somehow, I never really found one. And then, funny enough, Sharon and I met on TikTok. We have only known each other for about a year, but you cannot separate us now,” Eunice says.

11 years strong

At the pink-themed girly event, Lifestyle met Jacqueline Njogu and Maureen Magomere, whose friendship dates back to eleven years. What began as a work acquaintance in 2014 at Old Mutual has blossomed into an unbreakable bond that they intentionally nurture despite their demanding careers and personal lives.

Their friendship, like any other, comes with its challenges. They have fights but in all odds they manage to reconcile. “To me, being human means you cannot live in isolation. There are moments when I need someone to talk to, someone to be there when I’m at my lowest. And Jackie has always been that person.” Maureen shares.

Jacqueline backs her friend’s sentiment emphasising the importance of strategic and meaningful relationships. “Women often find comfort in relationships. You are always told that your network is your net worth. These are the people who celebrate your big wins, your small wins, and who stand by you in tough times. That is why I believe friendships like these are worth nurturing,” she explains.

Their commitment to each other is evident in how they prioritise their bond despite their busy schedules. “I’m a wife, a mother, a student, and I have a career. Finding time for friendships is not always easy, but it is necessary,” Jacqueline says.

“You have to be intentional. If we want to meet, we plan and meet. If we want our families to bond, we make it happen. It’s about the effort.”

“As much as I have my spouse, I also have me. I always do me. If I want time with my girls, I plan for it. I can’t lose myself in my responsibilities,” Jacqueline adds.

Additionally, Maureen believes that such gatherings empower women to thrive in their femininity. “There’s this stereotype that women don’t uplift women, but that’s not true. Spaces like these allow us to share, encourage each other, and remind ourselves that we are not alone in our journeys.”

An analysis from National Library of Medicine (NLM) which provides an access to scientific literature found that friendships between women are related to individual resources, which means friendships may provide individuals with a specific perspective on themselves. Specifically, the stronger their friendships, the higher their self-esteem, hope and social support. Moreover, friendships mediated by individual resources may increase women's level of perceived empowerment.

Our friendship is a tradition

Loice Matiro, a homeschool teacher and her best friend, Cynthia Omondi have built a friendship that has stood the test of time which has evolved into something that feels more like family.

In 2024, they established 'Besties Adventures,' a tradition dedicated to celebrating their friendship through documenting picnics and fun activities.

“Our relationship itself is a tradition,” Loice says. 

“The first thing we did last year was deciding to start Besties Adventures, which is a milestone for us. It’s a solution we came up with to take time out, go on picnics, reflect on our lives, and simply celebrate our friendship.”

For the two, female friendships go beyond the romanticised idea of relationships between a man and a woman.

“A woman is always there for you through your thick and thin. She will advise you on whatever you are going through, whether it’s with your boyfriend, husband, or just life in general. She will support you in any way she can,” Loice explains.

Their friendship is intentional, something Loice believes is becoming more common among women. “Women are becoming more intentional about appreciating and loving each other. With my best friend, we are intentional. She gifts me whenever and however she chooses. She is intentional with her time, our workouts, our body goals, and our business and idea growth. We push each other towards our milestones together.”

Even with Cynthia’s transition into marriage, their friendship has remained solid. “She was single when we met but now she has a husband. We celebrated her marriage last year, but never at any point have I felt like there’s a gap. There were times when I was not dating and I would often experience breakups, but she always reassured me that it wasn’t the end of the world. Even with her marriage, she always makes time for me,” Loice adds.

“The best thing about our friendship is that we tell each other the truth. She doesn’t sugar-coat things. If I have done something wrong, she will come straight and tell me. Communication is key. There are times when we are both busy but we always make time to catch up and check in on each other,” Cynthia says.

Additionally, gifting in their friendship is not just a random act, it is usually a well-thought-out and meaningful trail. “I am intentional in my gifting,” Loice says. “I get her things I know she needs but doesn’t realise she needs. Like for her wedding, I noticed she didn’t have a portrait of herself and her husband in their home. So, I went out and got them one. She loved it.”

When asked about each other’s love languages within their friendship, the besties have a shared sense of support. “Honesty and presence,” Loice says. “Being there for her, supporting her whenever she needs, in whichever way I can.” Cynthia adds, “We are more alike. Loice’s other love language is also support. If I call her for something, she will be there. That’s why we are best friends.”

The beauty of friendship

Celine Mailu and Cynthia Jacquiline are redefining what it means to show up for each other. Their friendship which has been rooted in intentionality, respect, and support is proof that women can build lasting and authentic relationships. The ones that go beyond the clichés of competition and envy.

Celine who is an entrepreneur running a skincare, haircare, and lip care business, met Cynthia, a content creator in 2020. However, their solid friendship flourished in 2023. “I have known her since 2020, but we have actually been friends since 2023,” Celine says.

Their bond has managed to deepen over the past year evolving into something intentional- a friendship of appreciation and support.

Friendships like any other relationships requires effort and willingness to understand each other's unique ways of giving and receiving love. For Celine, this became evident early on when she realised she was an intentional gifter, while Cynthia on the other side takes a more practical approach.

“I would just go somewhere, see something that reminds me of her, and pick it up,” she explains. “At first, it felt like I was doing too much, and it was kind of demotivating. But then I had to accept that we are different. Just because I’m a gifter doesn’t mean she has to be one too,” Celine adds.

Cynthia, on the other hand, acknowledges that her best friend takes gifting more seriously than she does. “Celine is more of a gifter than me,” she admits with a laugh. Despite their differences, their love for each other is undeniable. What truly makes their friendship strong is their ability to uplift each other in ways that come naturally. Cynthia may not be the type to impulsively buy gifts, but she shows up in ways that truly matter.

“She has been in the industry for a minute, and I’m just a newcomer,” Celine admits. “She has been so helpful with my content. She directs, shoots, edits, before I even knew how to do these things, she was already doing them for me.”

In return, Celine supports Cynthia’s hosting gigs whenever she can. It’s this give-and-take dynamic that makes their bond so special. Beyond career support, their friendship also provides an emotional safe space, particularly during low moments. Celine strongly believes that authentic female friendships can be life-saving.

“When you are at your lowest, your true friends come through for you, sometimes in ways they don’t even realise,” she says. “And I know I’ve been there for her, even without knowing the impact I have had.”

Mostly society tends to romanticise love in the context of relationships, but Celine argues that the depth of female friendships is just as important if not more.

“People tend to think that women can’t have authentic friendships, that there’s always drama,” she says. “But for me, friendship is about understanding. We are all different, so you have to learn what your friend likes, what they don’t, and respect those boundaries.”

And that respect, Celine says is what keeps their bond solid, even as their lives change. This year, their friendship carries a new dynamic, Celine is single while Cynthia is in a relationship. It is a change that could easily create distance between them but the besties refuse to let that happen.

“She has a boyfriend now, and I’m still single, so yes, I’ll feel some type of way,” Celine admits. “But we still plan to celebrate time together. Just because she’s in a relationship doesn’t mean our friendship stops.”

For them, their tradition of celebrating each other is not just a date on the calendar, it gives the true aura of appreciation. While romantic relationships are seen to take center stage, Celine believes that female friendships hold an unmatched level of assurance.  

“You can’t compare female friendship to a romantic relationship,” she says. “With your best friend, the heartbreak of losing them can be even worse. Because with friends, you have shared so much, things you might not even share with your partner.”

mrsitawa@ke.nationmedia.com