Dear gentle readers, Happy Valentine’s Day!
Over the weekend, I watched the Netflix documentary Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, and I could not help but cringe. The story of a woman who had been "dating" someone she had never met in person for a solid eight years—yes, eight—was nothing short of shocking.
The documentary chronicles Kirat Assi’s eight-year online relationship with a man she believed to be named Bobby, only to later discover that "Bobby" was actually her female cousin. It’s a chilling story that exposes the complexities and risks of online relationships, especially in light of notorious cases like the Tinder Swindler.
Valentine's Day has become an occasion for many to reflect on their relationships, both offline and online. With the rise of online dating apps, it has never been easier to meet new people, find love, or simply pass the time with someone new. However, as Monica, a 28-year-old marketing executive in Nairobi, recently discovered, online dating is not always as simple as swiping right.
With smartphones and social media influencing nearly every aspect of our lives, gone are the days when love stories blossomed over coffee, at a lively party, or during a casual encounter at the local store. Today, love is often just a tap away on dating apps.
Nigeria and Ghana have emerged as hubs for internet fraud, including online romance scams.
Photo credit: Shutterstock
Monica, like many others, had heard of the success stories of couples who met on Tinder, Bumble, and even Facebook, finding true love with just a swipe. Intrigued by the idea, she downloaded her first dating app in 2022, hoping to meet someone who shared her values and interests. Little did she know, this decision would lead her down a path filled with catfishing, manipulation, and heartbreak.
Having recently ended a long-term relationship, Monica was encouraged by friends to give online dating a try. Initially, it felt like a fun way to meet new people, but soon, things became more serious.
She matched with *John, a 32-year-old businessman who seemed perfect for her. His profile boasted a variety of polished photos, a blend of professional shots, travel snapshots, and even pictures of him working out at the gym. They hit it off right away, exchanging messages about their mutual love for hiking, music, and food.
After just a few days of chatting, John suggested they move their conversation to WhatsApp, where their chats grew more intimate. He called her frequently, and their text messages stretched late into the night.
Everything seemed perfect. She believed she had finally found someone who understood her. Someone who shared her values, goals, and aspirations.
However, as their conversations progressed, Monica began to notice some inconsistencies in John’s story. One evening, he mentioned he was going on a business trip to Dubai but would be back in Kenya in a few weeks. Monica found herself feeling slightly uneasy. He was always too busy for video calls, claiming that his Wi-Fi connection was poor or that he was caught up with work.
But she brushed it off, thinking he might be telling the truth. After all, business people often travel frequently. But the doubts continued to creep in when he began sending her emotional messages about how he had never met anyone like her and how much he wanted their relationship to succeed. Monica, despite the small concerns, was still charmed by his attention and devotion
Three weeks later,she received a message that would change everything. John’s “business trip” had gone wrong. He claimed that he was stuck in Dubai and urgently needed money for an emergency. His phone had been stolen, and he could not access his bank accounts or contact anyone else for help.
Monica, who had grown fond of him, was torn. She wanted to help him, but something did not feel right. He requested Sh 50,000 to cover his expenses until he could return home. He promised to repay her as soon as he was back in Kenya. Desperate to believe in their budding relationship, she transferred the money to him, hoping this would bring them closer.
But when he still did not return her calls and his WhatsApp messages started to go unanswered, she realised something was wrong. After a week of no contact, she started to suspect she had been scammed.
It was not long before her suspicions were confirmed. She did a reverse image search on one of the photos he had sent her and discovered that it was not him at all. The pictures were stolen from a random Instagram account.
Monica reached out to a few mutual friends they had talked about during their conversations and learned that none of them had ever heard of John. The realisation hit her hard, she had been the victim of a classic online dating scam.
John, or rather the person behind the profile, had likely been catfishing her all along. His entire persona had been a lie, designed to manipulate her into sending money. Monica felt humiliated and betrayed. She was not just dealing with the financial loss but also struggled with the emotional scars of being deceived by someone she thought she could trust.
Her experience serves as a cautionary tale for many Kenyans who turn to online dating in search of love. While platforms like Tinder or Bumble are filled with genuine people seeking companionship, they are also havens for scammers and manipulators.
Monica is not alone in her experience. The rise in online dating scams in Kenya, particularly romance scams, has been alarming. According to the Communications Authority of Kenya, the number of online fraud cases has been steadily rising, with many of these cases involving romantic deception. People are often lured into sending money to individuals they have never met in person, believing that they are helping someone in need.
