I am expecting Joel and Fiona at the Sexology Clinic this week. This will be their tenth year of visiting the clinic every first week of a new. Now in their eleventh year of marriage and with three children to show for it, I got to know the couple in a premarital class where I was invited to give a talk on how to spice up sex in marriage.
Their wedding happened soon after, and they flew to the coast for their honeymoon. As fate would have it, their first sexual encounter turned out disastrous, and they broke their honeymoon on the second day and flew back to Nairobi. I had left my contacts to the attendees of the premarital class, and that is how ended up in the Sexology Clinic.
“We have tried and failed, we can’t have sex,” Joel lamented obviously distressed and avoiding eye contact with Fiona. They were both naïve sexually, having abstained from sex before marriage. A three-week sex coaching class did it, and their sex lives took off.
“Now we are good and enjoying it,” Fiona said in their last coaching visit, “I believe we are all set for the rest of the marriage, and we do not have to see you again.” They both burst out laughing.
The decision to seek sexual health services is always a difficult one, and even after all the interactions we had had, they still hoped that they wouldn’t have to come back to the clinic.
“If I see you once a year for your annual sexual health check, I will be okay,” I said, to which they looked at each other and then at me, frowning.
Like many sexually active people, they had never heard of an annual sexual health check. Many people only seek sexual health services when a crisis strikes, and many times it is too late to reverse the damage.
“I hope that is not another term for a three-week sex coaching session,” Joel said amid staccato laughter. I took the chance to explain what an annual sexual health check is and why it is so important for anyone sexually active.
For one, as soon as you start having sex, you should always be conscious of the emotional, psychological, social and biological dimensions of it. These dimensions keep changing by the day, and at one point or another, a sexually active person will feel distressed with sex. This distress can arise from any of the four domains.
For one, emotional disturbances between couples make sex meaningless and a mere physical act. When you are not emotionally okay, you feel sad, frustrated, helpless and sometimes even useless. When your partner is the cause of these feelings, you lose sexual interest in them. Unless the root cause of the relationship problem is resolved, the feelings remain, conflicts arise, and the marriage can easily break up.
Psychological issues affecting sex commonly include anxiety and depression. These may not arise from the relationship per se. It could be money issues, bad business times, a stressful workplace, extended family issues, etc. The cause notwithstanding, psychological issues affect sexuality by reducing desire and causing all types of sexual dysfunctions.
Biological issues are those that relate to physical diseases. Currently, non-communicable diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, cancer, etc., are the commonest cause of sexual dysfunction. Hormone problems, infections and any other form of ill health affect sexual function too.
In the sexual health check-ups, your doctor explores all these dimensions through structured enquiry. There are individual sessions followed by couple sessions. The enquiry is followed by a physical examination of all body organs. Several laboratory tests are also done. Hidden diseases that lead to long-term damage to body organs are tested.
The importance of an annual sexual health check is that diseases, emotional, psychological and social problems are identified early and, if need be, treated. Additionally, it is a time to give feedback to your partner about the ended year and to formulate your sex and relationship targets for the New Year.
“So my key objective for the year is to shed off 10 kilogrammes of body weight,” Joel said in their last annual check-up. He had gained too much weight, and his BMI was bordering on obesity. Excessive body weight is one cause of erection failure and loss of desire for sex.
Fiona, on the other hand, had grown rather conservative and lacked the energy to explore avenues for spicing up her sex life in marriage. She took up the challenge and promised to surprise me at the next check-up.
If you are sexually active, whether married or not, you definitely want to have a sexual health check-up this year. Visit a sexual health clinic and do it. You want to be sure that you are sexually healthy as you start your 12-month journey in 2026. In case any problem is discovered, have it resolved immediately rather than wait to deal with complications; for a stitch in time saves nine.
