Should you allow your teen to go for a sleepover?

Dear parent,

Teenage years come with the appeal of parties, hangouts, sleepovers, and music gigs, especially on weekends and school holidays. Parents should be careful with these plans, as such events are often where teenagers try alcohol, drugs, sex, and other risky behaviours.

Tragic incidents ranging from drug overdoses at parties and sleepovers to sexual assault, alcohol-related injuries and road accidents are a growing concern for many parents. So when your teenager asks to attend a sleepover at a friend’s house, your reservations are understandable.

Do you have regular conversations with your teenagers about boundaries before they begin asking for permission to go out or spend the night away? Remember, your teenager may not understand why you took them to birthday parties and family gatherings when they were younger, but now seem reluctant to let them attend social events.

As a parent, you need to be intentional about discussing personal safety and the dangers of unsupervised gatherings. This way, your child will know your expectations and understand that either “yes” or “no” is a possible response when they ask for permission.

When considering a sleepover, the first thing you need to know is who the friend your child will be visiting is, who their parents are, whether they are aware of the event and if it will take place under their supervision.

It is also important to know who else will be present. Some parents are unaware that their homes are being used as party venues. In such cases, the so-called sleepover might actually be a cover for something else, perhaps a music concert, a party at a different house. In many situations, teens may lie to their parents or plan to sneak out.

Insist on speaking directly to the hosting parent. If your child resists this, it is a red flag suggesting that the arrangement may not be genuine.

Your child’s safety and security must always come first. Who will chaperone them? Where is the venue? How will they get there and back? Even if you trust the hosting family, ask yourself who else lives in that household. Could there be relatives, workers or strangers whose presence might pose risks, including negative influence or even predatory behaviour?

If you are satisfied that your child will be safe in the company of a responsible family, you may allow them to attend and consider dropping them off and picking them up yourself. But if you are not comfortable, let your child know early enough so they can manage their disappointment and decline the invitation in good time.

In cases where teenagers resist or persist, some parents choose to accompany them. Most teens would rather opt out than have their parents tagging along. Still, it is better to explain clearly the risks you are protecting them from rather than relying on the old-fashioned line, “You are not going because I said so.