Gerald came to the Sexology Clinic to confirm if the penis enlargement tablets he had bought online were safe. He was 32 and single. He tried a relationship with a woman when he was 23 but the relationship did not last long.
“She left me, claiming that my manhood was small like one for a baby.” Gerald slid into depression and failed his university exams twice after that. He has avoided intimate relationships ever since.
“But now I want to make another attempt at a relationship so I’ve bought these medicines online to help grow the organ.”
The issue of penis size is known to worry many men, especially the younger ones because it is culturally equated to one’s masculinity. This kind of thinking can be traced back to the history of human development. At some point in time, size mattered. A huge human being with a huge penis was preferred because of security. The threat of predators was real, and a strong protector was the only license to survival.
In fact, developmental biologists have concluded that mate selection of males with huge organs helped in the evolution of the penis. People with small ones were undesired and their generations had no chance of propagation.
“You have hit the nail on the head,” Gerald interjected. “If I cannot enlarge my penis, it is the end of me and my generation.”
It is however important to note that we are beyond the generation of huge bodies and huge sex organs. Recent studies to understand the role of penis size in sustaining relationships have shown mixed results. Conclusions from these studies have however been consistent – that there are more important considerations women make in identifying a mate than the size of the penis.
On top of the list for most women is emotional connection. Women want men they can connect with at emotional and intellectual levels. You know you are emotionally connected to someone when you can easily talk, smile, and laugh together. You trust such a person and you can share deep feelings without the fear of betrayal. You become vulnerable to someone you have an emotional connection with.
Beyond emotional connection, the protection that women need from a man in our generation is not physical. If they feel threatened physically, they can hire a guard, seek police protection, or have a guard dog. A woman needs a man who will not betray their vulnerability once they have trusted you to the point of having sex.
While economic comfort may be something of value in nurturing a relationship and may play a role in mate selection, the intellectual competence of the man and his ability to navigate the complex social systems that we live in and stand out as respectable may be more important to a woman.
It is important to note that as much as wealth is part of what people may consider in measuring success and choosing to relate with a man, there is more to it, and relationship skills and social literacy may be more important in making relationships happy. It may be for this reason that the rich and famous are most prone to divorces and separations, their wealth successes notwithstanding.
“So doctor you mean my concerns are not valid? You mean if I go into a relationship now the woman will not run away?” Gerald asked, frowning.
“Now I am confused,” he mumbled. “Between you and the woman I had sex with, who knows better?”
Well, there is one more adage to the story of size: It is not really the size that matters but rather how you use your organ. In other words, one needs to learn sexual skills for satisfactory performance. Gerald had a rudimentary knowledge of sexuality.
He was the epitome of our generation where people have little knowledge of their sexuality because the traditional systems that used to teach these skills collapsed. This is coupled with the fact that there is no structured sexuality education in schools and people grow up knowing nothing about their sexuality. Extortionists are aware of this gap and are doing a thriving business selling sex-enhancing products.
Under the circumstances, it is common for people to have challenges with sex as they start off. It is learning by crisis having grown up with zero knowledge. Having assessed Gerald, my conclusion was that this is what made his girlfriend leave, throwing him into emotional quagmire. The solution was to take him through sex coaching until he was skilled enough to manage a sex situation.
