John felt deceived, as Emma's enhanced appearance was a factor in his attraction.
The recent hullabaloo and obsession with sizes of women’s behinds doing the rounds on social media reminded me of a couple I attended to in the Sexology Clinic a while back. John and Emma came to the clinic a day after their wedding not happy at all with each other.
“It is unfair and insincere,” John said, “this marriage has started on a very wrong footing, and I do not know if I will ever see Emma in the same light again as a trusted lover.”
The couple had hoped for a warm night in the middle of a cold July weather in Nairobi, but it turned out to be colder than what the weather presented.
They did not cuddle nor touch each other. It was time for soul searching. They had just made a lifetime commitment yet John felt cheated. Emma, on the other hand, saw no mistake in her actions. The bone of contention was Emma’s use of butt lifters and padded panties.
During their courtship the couple had avoided sex. They both believed that sex was only appropriate after the wedding. They had therefore not seen each other’s naked bodies. On this wedding night they had a lot to discover and John was offended at what he saw.
The shape and size of what he had been Emma’s buttocks was the result of well fashioned butt lifters and padded panties. According to John, Emma had skillfully used both of these undergarments to bring about a shape that doubled her butt size and shaped it in an enticing way. When naked, the sight was totally different from what he anticipated.
“It is normal for women to add a few artificial things on their hair, breasts, nails and even butt to look good,” Emma explained, “I did not intend to lie about my body, it was all in good faith and my add-ons made me feel confident and I intend to continue using them.”
John shook his head in disapproval. According to him, they had started a lifelong commitment on a wrong footing. He accused Emma of insincerity about her body shape.
“The woman I wedded was totally different from the one I discovered on our wedding night, now it is too late to change,” he lamented. According to him, Emma’s figure was one of the reasons he married her.
The obsession with big backsides did not start today. Studies have shown that there is a historical perspective to it. For most primates, the shape and size of the female buttocks have a role in mate attraction with most males going for bigger. This behaviour is based on the biological experiences of the different species of primates.
At adolescence, female primates produce estrogen, a hormone that causes fat distribution to the buttocks and thighs. As such, in many primates including humans, the female’s abdomen remains flat while the buttocks and thighs enlarge. This is different from what happens in males. The males produce androgens instead of estrogens. Androgens cause fat distribution in the flank.
This biological hormonal phenomenon has defined female and male beauty. Hence, most human communities define female beauty to include a flat abdomen and big and firm buttocks. In the history of primates, these are features that portrayed fertility and ability to carry pregnancy. Hence, most males were subconsciously attracted to such mates as a way to perpetuate their species.
But now we know better. There is more to fertility than just a woman’s body shape. There are many curvy women who are infertile. Further, the worth of a woman cannot be defined by the shape of her behind. There is more to a woman than her body shape and respectful men know that for a fact.
“Yes, I know that but it is the feeling of being cheated that is hurting,” John interrupted, “I would still have married Emma if she did not pretend to have a big butt.”
The challenge in many relationships is to be able to allow each other to dress in a way that makes them feel confident. This means different things to different people. There are those missing some teeth, allow them to use dentures if they so wish. The same applies to all the others who want to add one artificial thing or the other to look good. The only obligation should be to inform your mate of what you are using so that they do not get shocked when they finally discover it.
Beyond that, accepting your body is important. There is beauty in the way each body is made. Each body is unique and has a beauty of its own. Definition of beauty must be made in that context; that each person has a uniqueness that cannot be equated to that of another person. It therefore does not help trying to look like other people. You only end up interfering with the uniqueness of your beauty.
“You have a lot to discover in your honeymoon and in your marriage,” I explained to Emma and John as they stood up to catch their flight to the honeymoon destination, “take the time to explore the body, mind and soul of each other and you will be surprised at the unique beauty that nature has rewarded you with by marrying your spouse.”
